snorkweezl's profile
AGE:
27
LOC: NY, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 05
LOC: NY, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 05
Hey all. I’m basically including my entire college portfolio. I just graduated with a degree in Creative Writing and now can’t get a job. WOOT! Enjoy. Or don’t and write something better. I’m looking to get to know GOOD writers. If you think you are one, drop me a line, I’d love to hear from you and I’d love to read your stuff. If I’ve critiqued you and you’re not happy, well, too bad. I’m tough, and I call it like I see it, and if you want to go through life having your friends tell you you’re amazing, you’re never going to grow. I’ll be constructive and fair, but you need to check your ego at the door, or you won’t survive the inevitable rejection that comes with shopping your work around to agents and/or publishers. Trust me…
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Items
Version 1
10 Reviews
3 Comments
The Pleasure of Smallness My Grandmother kept a journal of things she loved; I found it not long after she passed away. Inside the front cover, in her perfect script, were these words: There can be no love of greatness without great love of smallness. *** In the mid-fifties, a mink stole sold for two hundred dollars. Such was the sum my Grandfather paid for the one he bought for Grandma as an anniversary gift early in their marriage. She immediately deemed it “much too nice to wear.” She pri...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
10 Reviews
1 Comment
Sister In 1984, my mother got pregnant and I told my relatives that a baby would come marching out of her. On November 16th, my sister came marching out of her, and my dog ran away and was hit by a car. My parents brought her home and she slept in my room and I mostly liked her but a little bit hated her, which is why when she sat in her red bouncy spring seat in the doorway between the dining room and the living room, I used to get her swinging and then close the door on her. My parents thou...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
19 Reviews
2 Comments
To The Ladies: Be wary of the company you keep. All men will pontificate the deep when lights are low and table wine is cheap. To the Whores: Always know the street where ere you go. Always know your cut before the show. Never make a john wait in the cold, and if it looks infected, do not blow. To the Men: When youre screwing the love of your life, make sure that you dont start a fight, cause theres places you dont want a bite to take home and show to your wife. To the Boys: When she says, it...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
8 Reviews
1 Comment
Patient He snarls go fuck yourself you goddamn Yankee at me, an intruder in his fortress of piss and stink and cigarettes. He waves a bony taloned finger, brown with nicotine, dismissing me of a duty sent down from a power higher than either of us. You have to have a bath. I say, aware of the humiliation I impose, I, a twenty three year old American, drawing battle lines once again in a new revolution against an old English gentleman. And he cranes his neck like a buzzard, fixes his bird watc...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
6 Reviews
2 Comments
Pretty American Girl December 26th is a holiday in European tradition known as Boxing Day, a charitable time when rich people’s servants re-gift (or in some accounts, steal) the rich people’s less-prized Christmas gifts and take them home to their own underprivileged families. I knew about Boxing Day because John, a resident at the psychiatric hospital in Oxford where I worked, had asked me on Christmas Day, my last shift, if I had any plans. I explained to him that December 26th, in America...
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This is well written and compelling enough to drive forward. You've got great lines and great descriptions so I felt like I was there with this character. A few little (very little) things, 1. Don't say "f--ing in dialogue. Just say fucking, or change the word to something totally different. I don't think your character is actually saying "f--ing" I just think you're editing it. Don't do that. She either says it or he doesn't. Also, pay attention to your dialogue attributions. It gets a littl...
I could be ok with a fucking poem if it were meant to be funny. I don't think it is, but I laugh anyway. Especially the rod/bod part. It reads like a long limerick. So, I laugh. But if it's meant to be a limerick it needs to end on a funnier note, and it needs to have a clever title. It has neither.
I would steer clear of end rhymes like this. They sound so sing-songy and just make the whole thing sound ridiculous, and I know that it's not meant to be. I want to challenge you to write about something concrete rather than abstract. Emotion is tough, unrequited love is tougher. Unrequited love is so done, and the end-rhyme just makes is painfully bad. Focus instead on concrete visual experiences and specifically things that are unique to your experiences. Poetry is so much more interesting...
a nice piece over all. Some of the lines are a bit uneven, but it will be an easy thing to tighten down. I would love to see this rewritten in full iambic pentameter the way the third line is. Otherwise i sort of feel like the third line is rhythmically out of place and the others feel sort of clunky around it. Rework line 5. Whenever a line breaks mid-sentence, you have to really know where to put the break so that the line still carries its own weight. ditto for the fourth line of the secon...
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