Not bad, but it feels like you're skipping a lot. You say you've only felt it twice before, but you on elaborate on the first time. You're leaving out a big chunk of story that can give more clues about the speaker. Also, we go from internet posting to having been together for awhile. Throw in how things happened on the first person-to-person meet.

It's been a while since I've read the earlier version, but I still having trouble understanding why she would invite a complete stranger in. That's plot-enforced stupidity, and hurts the believability. There are spots where you use more words than are needed. For example, you don't really need "wet" or "shivering"; the reader can already infer that from the fact that it's raining. Likewise, you can get read of some of the dialogue tags; that would free up some space for the word count.

Ah, but as was said to Alice in Wonderland, "Are you the dreamer or merely part of the dream?" It's not bad, but I'm very positive I've seen something like this before. Even if it's completely original on your part, it reads very generic. Maybe punching it up with some adjectives, or simply adding another thought, would go a long way to making this unique.

Very, very good. Short, evocative, and to the point. Wonderful description and emotion with so few words. The one thing I could possibly criticize is the bit about tasting leather. Is he putting the holster in his mouth too? Also, "gunoil"? Grease, maybe. Metal definitely. But I doubt there'd be a taste of leather and gunoil doesn't even sound like a real word.

Not bad. Very pretty imagery, and roses are a fine natural element for a haiku. The drawbacks are that it has a very passive present tense and there's no feel for the passage of time. I'd suggest an -ing word somewhere, but I can't quite see where you could fit one in and keep the syllable count. I was trying to think of a synonym for centerpiece (which is one word, by the way), but most were more than three syllables. There's "showpiece" but that lacks punch.

This is more heartwarming than funny, but still... Awww! So cute! So true as well. If this were in any other category, I'd have given it a ten instead of a seven. As far as 6 word memoirs go, this is perfect. Straight, to the point, and insightful. It really conjures up quite a picture in few words.

Funny, but it'd be funnier if it were something like "Thank God (who doesn't exist) I'm atheist!" There's some good irony here, it's just really the format that's holding it back.

I don't know; the plot is solid, but the humor is lacking. The poop joke was kind of funny, but there needs to be more. Perhaps some analogies. Like when Sister Betty's beating him say, "he was getting pounded like a keg at a frat party" or "she was delivering more hits than the Beatles, not that you could dance to them."

This sounds really condescending. It sounds as if you think everyone else is behind you, especially by mentioning the exact page count. It comes off as pretentious. If that's how you meant it, you might want to inject a bit of humor or absurdity or something so that it's clearer to the reader.

When, I read the first sentence, with it's 2nd person narration, I was "Ooh, this is like Fight Club." However, with the haikus and complaining about office work, I was "This is TOO much like Fight Club." Even with more of a focus on loss of childhood innocence than Fight Club had, it still comes off as derivative, which is really a shame. Even if you gave a few more details about "you" would go a long way to separating this, "like your name is *blank*, you are *blank* years old..."