smokinbrokin's profile
AGE:
34
LOC: Australia
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 08
LOC: Australia
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 08
I’m the most honest, genuine person I know, too much for my own good sometimes. I have a mind of my own and wish the same for others and those that are the same I have a huge amount of respect for. I deplore liars, cheaters, arrogance and control freaks. I am very self analytical constantly striving to learn. I love talking and listening to others as that is the only way I learn anything thats worth anything. I’m creative, writing, photography, drawing and everything I do is a choreographed dance in my mind. I appreciate the simple things in life. I want to earn money doing what I love and that is writing, that is my dream….
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With a hypo excitement and a shortness of breath, the anticipation of future prospects. The job was a step in the right direction, I say that with a little apprehension. Back then it was the best I’d ever done. With a little encouragement, I could see the rewards, you know - be happy with who I’d become. With anxiety on high and a question of why, I entered that place with my best happy face. What was it? This world I was in. What was I thinking, how naïve had I been. This...
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Version 2
3 Reviews
1 Comment
smokinbrokin smokinbrokin@gmail.com 10/25/2008 To Susanna Einstein, ‘The Moment of Silence” is a dark and sinister yet strangely innocent story that begins with a 7yr old girl; Sophy. She struggles with her demons, with how to fit in. Growing up too fast in order to defend herself from the creature she calls Billy. She misses out on learning the skills to communicate in her outside world – living inside her inner world far too much. To see what it can be to suffer from ...
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Opportunities
Version 1
4 Reviews
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THEY JUST MIGHT OPEN THE DOOR: I circle and circle Around the walls Marking them as I go by The people inside turn and look Not caring what they see I open my mouth for them to hear Falling on deaf ears Their lives are complete They do not need Someone there like me I place myself on the floor To have a little rest I can't take anymore of this I've tried to give my best I've run so much my feet are sore But I must never sleep My heart is cradled in the hope They just might open the doo...
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Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
“My internal world was exceptionally well developed far beyond my years, it was my external world that was causing me anxiety and depression. I was a good kid just a little sensitive and confused for the most part and a little battered and bruised inside and out” EPISODE: I am going to describe one of my ‘episodes’ I warn you it’s a little disturbing: I think first it’s worth mentioning what may be stating the obvious. On appearance I mostly looked like any other kid - I played in playgrounds...
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'The if I (I needs to be removed) only I could ____ then it would be all good type'. I don't understand the use of the underscore? 'To me, happiness is not getting what you want but wanting what you already have - everything else is a welcome bonus'. I got a bit confused because from my understanding you're saying, the anticipation of a 'first time' is driving you wild but 'wanting what you already have' is happiness. Would it be fair to say the 'wanting' the first time is exciting and makes ...
You've managed to capture each characters own language, especially prominent in the latino girl. This is a great beginning, setting the first character Freida as the complex one, then Naomi's life takes an unexpected turn. Then we meet Ellie and Malaysia. The only criticism I can give is it needs to be fleshed out more. The flow is smooth but I want to know more about the relationships between characters such as Freida and her brother and Ted. More about Ellie's memories of how she ended up a...
I'm impressed, I've never seen poetry written about video games before! Just a few grammatical errors. fieriousity (ferocity). of Fireballs (remove 'of'). pin(ned) down. o(h). You should definitely write more, it's unique. Once you get more experienced you may start to describe the characters more, I'm familiar with some of them but not all. Even if it's giving them color and shape, something to help with the visual. Good luck!
I think some of the grammar needs to be tidied up eg. "The rest of the guys are coming in, using cover me – move out." I'm not quite sure what this means? There's also a few "do not & will not" that can be shortened to don't & won't. Whist I'm probably not your intended audience therefore some names of weapons, buildings, movements etc don't make sense to me. Be more descriptive of these items to give a perhaps newcomer to the genre a better visual idea of what they're reading. I've seen movi...
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