smokeybe's profile
AGE:
37
LOC: Vinemont, AL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 04
LOC: Vinemont, AL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 04
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A flower blooms. It grows. It dies. But it is one of the most beautiful creations in this world. Everything around it is touched in some way by its existance. The ground that holds its roots. The wind that carries its seeds. The birds that live from it. The sun that gives it energy. There are so many contributions a flower makes. Just as there are so many things it does that one does not see, or can explain. Like a flower, so is a father. His home is his roots. His wife carries his children. ...
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The rain had started to come down. Anyone with any choice would not be out on this night, but then she had no choice. Even now looking back she could still see the lightening in the night sky, hear the thunder in the air and see the lights of the lanterns the townspeople were carrying coming up her pebbled driveway. They had been banging on her door, demanding that the people of the house relinquish the witch they harbored. Her servants, who had been loyal to her and her husband these past fi...
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This is pretty rough, but it definately has potential in the writing. Remember that poetry is the telling of some kind of emotion. Even though that emotion is not obvious at first, it is in the reading and unfolding of the poem that the reader experiences it. You explain well the event in the poem when you write "There are stains left on the table cloth." But you do not elaborate. One way to put it is "There are stains left on the table cloth still wet." By adding just small words or phrases ...
I love the way you took something simple as touching and wrote "My hands now bound in your Silken hair. My desperate lips, searching out Your own, trying to let my love flow through". Making something simple as a touch or a kiss into something beautiful with words is what makes up a good poem. To be able to put into words as you have is a gift. This is why they call it poetry. Loved to see more from you.
Did not get to read all of it. Computer problems. But what I did read was very interesting. Some areas were confusing in the lyrics as to what you are trying to convey, as in this sentence "You best believe this is the emancipation of a nigga facing life of tribulation and hatred." Before this sentence you talk about feelings that got killing children, but after the sentence you talk about these niggas sloppy trying to rob me, what message are you trying to convey? Is the person a gangster or...
Very good writing. Very good format. A reader can feel what you are saying and the story you are trying to convey. The only thing is you need to make sure that you read and edit your work before submitting it for anything. There were alot of mispelled words in the poem that at times I had to go back and read twice to understand. One place is where you write "Everyone styll wishin you were in their arms To give you one last hug". The word is still instead of styll. Also watch your grammer. In ...
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