smileygirl's profile

smileygirl avatar
AGE: 35
LOC: Veneta, OR
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 29

Hi there! (: Just to let you know, I am NOT a famous or very published poet, however I do have a MBA in English and have taken many classes on poetry literature. Still, this is only my meager opinion, so please, simply take any advice you can use, and freely disreguard or disdain the comments you do not agree with. (: If you are reviewing my work, thanks so much for taking the time to give me your feedback. It is VERY MUCH appreciated.

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Items
Version 1
19 Reviews   7 Comments
An abandoned nest am I, high in my weathered tree. So much love has flown from me. I always wait for their Return as seasons pass and years heave by. Ever the witness while all others fly. My solitary pine flutters then sighs while the wind whines and blows. I cannot move. I have no place to go. Then they arrive! Oh emotion! Oh passion! Years of affection in a few moments ration. There is whistles and chirps, then chicks. Feathers, bustle and flurry. The season turns, then they go in a glori...
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Poetry / The Waiting Wall
Version 1
20 Reviews   4 Comments
Sentiment sent, tears spent once, twice, four times a year with weary devotion. I always wait at the wall where your small carved letters are adrift in marble. I kiss them sometimes, with soft lips against the L, or R. A warm exhale breathes no life into them. My arms extend wide, and leaning into the expanse I only gather more cold. It is an embrace gone awry against the chiseled stone. You are not here, but I cannot let go once, twice or four times a year. This wall is for Reverance and Rem...
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Reviews
Poetry / Super Powers
Hi there! (; Well, the overall message that humans do not live up to their potential comes through loud and clear. "Yahweh or the highway" was clever. You also have a pretty good vocabulary, and the tone of the piece is consistent. However, poetry at it's best is supposed to excite the senses. It uses words to create a picture in the reader's mind. Good poetry vividly describes a scene, touch, smell or other sensation which in turn creates and manipulates emotions within the reader. Here I fe...
Hello there. Firstly, you have some really nice lines that create good mental visuals. For example, when he "wistfully breathes – between a sigh and a yawn; folds bad news, swats a butterfly whose wings then dissolve", I get very clear image of this happening. Also, I like the way you hint about his character. He kills the butterfly, curses the Jews, etc... it is more subtle than just coming right out and saying this person is questionable...not always nice. The sparrows make an interesting i...
Flash Fiction / 6 Word Contest
Removed
I really liked this simple yet moving fable. The basic story is very engaging, but it feels like the bare bones of a story just begging to be fleshed out. I think this story could really be drawn out with some imaginative and creative word choices, and by having it told with a unique tone. For example, if the story has Filipino origins, why not add a sprinkling of Filipino or Spanish words here and there? Or bring in some cultural imagery? Publishers love bringing cultural diversity to childr...
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Poetry / '57 Fireflite

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