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AGE:
33
LAST LOGIN: April 22
LAST LOGIN: April 22
See more about Mr. Essler at:
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3 Reviews
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I couldn't believe she ate it.
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Version 1
9 Reviews
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CHAPTER TWO – THE ELECTRIC BUGALOO It is kind of messed up, but this is my story, and I'm sticking to it. So, um, right after I wrote that last chapter, I hear somebody trying to enter the hotel. I have to explain how this works, so bear with me. When I arrive to start my shift, I lock the main entranceway. I unlock it at six o'clock in the morning. So, from midnight to six, the main doors, which are made out of glass, are locked. Guests that are already registered can use their room keys to ...
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10 Reviews
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FORWARD by Shawn M. Essler Just for the record, I'm not a very good writer. I'm sorry if you bought this piece of crap book, thinking that it would be some irreverent gem by a yet undiscovered voice, but would not be the case. Truth is, I just have all this free time on my hands, and what I happen to be looking for is the money that comes from publishing a book. Writing is one of the few projects that you can take on that involves no real monetary cost to upstart. I already had a few pens tha...
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I don't think that this would work on the stage as it currently is, and the reason is quite simple: all conflict, no story. I know that you based this on a real person, and everything he says comes directly from his own lips. You probably won't like this, but that's the biggest problem you have here. All this would be on the stage would be two minutes of a pig-headed guy on stage screaming about a girl he doesn't deserve to have. I would step back from using "e"'s real-life words, and making ...
I like the premise here of an advice columnist misunderstanding the Aspiring Writer when he is referring to "self-abuse". My criticism is that you have a clever idea (though similar ones have been done before), but the execution is lacking the touches needed to make this really funny. You might not like hearing this, but your writing here is really set up as a junior high school level joke. That's not a bad thing: look at Adam Sandler or early Jim Carrey movies. That's the style you're after ...
I know that this writing was an experiment, which is why I won't get into a critique of the story. My actual advice is on your tone. Your tone of writing here seems young and playful. However, this is something for humor, so consider this: A humorous writing style works best when the voice telling the story works in contrast with what's being told. That said, think of the show The Hills being narrated by Chris Rock. How about a legal drama narrated by Paris Hilton? How about Ernest P. Worrell...
I found it a little off-putting that this is written in the present tense rather than the past. That is not necessarily a bad thing; if it ultimately works, do it. Just don't do it for the sake of rattling your reader. Do it because your story needs to be set at the exact moment the reader is reading the sentence. Yes, I know that many stories have been written in the present tense, and to great effect. However, make sure that it does add a better effect. Basically, if you can change it from ...
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