sirM's profile

ok, my second try. Urbis somehow erased the first one, so this might be mildly more perfunctory given that it feels like I am now talking to you twice. The pacing of the lines, the softness of the observations, evoke for me Keats's "ode to autumn" and the opening lines that run so magically with rhythm and rhyme, "Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness...round the thatch eaves run." A major achievement, considering especially that you encorporate no prominent full rhymes. Your personificatio...

The beginnng, right through to the end of the funny syllogism, starts the piece off so well. It's quirky enough to be interesting, yet still decipherable enough to get the reader quickly engaged. My only objection regards the reinforcement in your "drunk, alcoholic, wino, lush" moment. It's not that funny. It's not artful. More importantly, you loose your chance to elaborate on your character's other new focus, "pasta." Otherwise, I love the way you lead the reader into this world emotionally...

I like your sentiment, particularly given that some stooge just requested (and got!) a refund for a detailed review I wrote about one of his poems. However, I am not sure why you don't have this on your home page rather than in the que as a poem.