shinsukato has no favorites yet.
shinsukato's profile
AGE:
17
LOC: Cooperstown, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 04
LOC: Cooperstown, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 04
Hmm.
I hate poetry. What’s that? You LIKE poetry? You suck. Go write some prose.
Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
Children. Blessed are they, or so I hear. Children are the future, and deserving of our love and guidance. I have had the opportunity to work with children on many levels throughout my high school career. From 9th to 11th grade I worked at the CROP afterschool care program, where I worked with large groups of children, keeping them happy and productive. In the summer following my sophomore year I worked at a summer camp for young children, and took a job caring for a child with special needs....
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
9 Reviews
3 Comments
Some people are just too stupid to realize how intelligent they really are.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 3
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Just for a Just how well do you recall your childhood? Do you remember the total freedom? You could shamelessly put your underwear on your head and strut around your house as a power ranger. Your classes in school included "coloring' and 'nap time'. You were ignorant and you were happy. There was a dark side to childhood however, and it served as a constant taint on the most important aspect of our lives: our social lives. For too long we actually had to be face to face with a person to be '...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Just for a Just how well do you recall your childhood? Do you remember the total freedom? You could shamelessly put your underwear on your head and strut around your house as a power ranger. Your classes in school included "coloring' and 'nap time'. You were ignorant and you were happy. There was a dark side to childhood however, and it served as a constant taint on the most important aspect of our lives: our social lives. For too long we actually had to be face to face with a person to be '...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
6 Reviews
3 Comments
Silken hair cascades like flowing water eyes that mirror endless fields of passion her lips, so full, set my heart a-flutter. Floats along in her seductive fashion, a smile, so sweet, sends me to my knees her voice echoes like a clarion call my love is as deep as a thousand seas next to her perfection, I feel so small. Her skin glows as if lit by inner flame. Her laughter can fill angels with envy, their alabaster wings whither in shame. The greatest desire when she looks at me she is so clos...
Ratings & Rankings
[ View all items ]
Reviews
Right off the bat I have to say that I've always found saying 'one' instead of 'you' to be awkward sounding. While it may be your only choice in formal writing, it seems somewhat unnecessary in this case. Fairly often you draw things out longer than they need to be. For example right in the beginning you say "...thickly cushioned chair looking at the mirror, which had a bejewelled frame, and saw in it..." The commas really just detract from the sentence and you would get the same message acro...
You need to make better use of punctuation. Throughout the entire story I just had an incredibly difficult time understanding some parts without a second read. There are countless instances where a comma was needed, where a run-on sentence could easily have been seperated into two etc. There were several spelling mistakes "appartment is apartment". Sometimes you would change tense in the middle of a sentence (a big no-no). This is really just in need of some serious technical editing. The sto...
"Upon the onset of guilt and humiliation, Amy slowly made her way into the shower." - this sentence is a little awkward. I'd reword it a little so that it's not yoda-speech, eg: "Amy slowly made her way into the shower, guilt and humiliation setting in" "The voices that rang in her head" - this makes it sound like the voices are IN her head. Maybe if the voices were ringing in her EAR it would make more sense. "evoke one huge fight" - I think you should replace "one" with "a" "did, so she hop...
and I had spilt my briefcase - this sentence doesn't make much sense. It should be like "and I had spilt OPEN my briefcase..." promptly after he fired me for being “incapable.” - if the character was already fired, why does it matter that they looked silly in front of their boss. memories repeating in your mind - how about 'replaying'? into softest, warmest PJs ad watch - into MY softest, warmest PJs AND watch... me such a luxurious reprieve. - gramatticaly, this doesn't make sense in the sen...
PAGE 1 with all my blonde hair - take out 'all' “Just shut the fuck up Dave and do it.” - comma after 'Dave' PAGE 2 “For me of course, now be a good little boy and shut the fuck up.” - replace the comma with a period. PAGE 3 thought, Hmm that’ll do the job all right girl - put thoughts either in quotes or italicize them. PAGE 4 , I’ll put a little bit of gel on it first like, so it slides all the way down. - new sentence, not a comma.
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
