there are still a few spelling errors left, but I really do like your writing style, it's not too graphic- it describes the scene but allows me to imagine a few details on my own. the first part of the sixth paragraph could probably use some rewording though; "A movement across the street draws my attention. The temptress exits the building in a rush. She looks nervous or scared." The first sentence is rather awkward, I think it might be better to change it a little and combine it with the se...

the main story is very interesting and highly amusing, but there are a few parts that could probably use a little cleaning, like "It took him a few seconds to realize it was his men screaming and shooting blindly at the kind of things that only appear in books or nightmares." maybe it would sound better if it were shortened a bit like so: "...and shooting blindly at things out of a nightmare." While it makes a good short story, I think you might have difficulty stretching this out since she h...