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AGE:
53
LOC:
Ponca City, OK
GEN:
Female
LAST LOGIN:
November 02
Let’s face it. I am old Father William, but I’m not quite used up yet!
I am grateful for your comments, kind words, and reviews—-I have my big girl panties on, so let ‘er rip on the critiques!
Last Item 487 days ago
Item Stats
Last Review 441 days ago
Reviewer Stats
90.0% (10 votes)
Quality Rating
Version 1
21 Reviews
16 Comments
My heart's overflow is in writing.
0.00 (0 reviews)
Friends Rating
6.24 (21 reviews)
Strangers Rating
0.00 (0 reviews)
Friends Rating
6.14 (21 reviews)
Strangers Rating
Version 2
23 Reviews
13 Comments
I breathed in your breath introduced my heart to you sharing ignited Exhaling in kiss you taste my desire for you sharing perfected Bodies transported life connections formed and sealed sharing transcended
7.50 (2 reviews)
Friends Rating
6.73 (15 reviews)
Strangers Rating
7.00 (2 reviews)
Friends Rating
7.00 (15 reviews)
Strangers Rating
7.50 (2 reviews)
Friends Rating
7.33 (15 reviews)
Strangers Rating
Version 1
6 Reviews
2 Comments
I breathed in your breath introduced my heart to you sharing most basic Exhaling in kiss you taste my desire for you sharing perfected Bodies transported life connections formed and sealed sharing transcended
7.00 (2 reviews)
Friends Rating
3.50 (2 reviews)
Strangers Rating
Needs 3 reviews from strangers
Sorry, no more info at this time.
Ranking
8.00 (2 reviews)
Friends Rating
4.00 (2 reviews)
Strangers Rating
Needs 3 reviews from strangers
Sorry, no more info at this time.
Ranking
7.50 (2 reviews)
Friends Rating
5.50 (2 reviews)
Strangers Rating
Needs 3 reviews from strangers
Sorry, no more info at this time.
Ranking
Version 2
19 Reviews
8 Comments
To say who i am will open myself to you shall you come inside? I am an old soul inhabiting old body with spirit of youth. within me is peace i have heard the voice of god painfully joyous. I but sum of parts each thought extension of self attains it's own life. I have love for all my insight sees depth of you demands disclosure knowledge fulfills me assimilation of soul birth of new spirit lighthearted laughter effervescent silliness sarcastic pundit when you look at me enlightened and lunati...
8.00 (1 review)
Friends Rating
7.50 (16 reviews)
Strangers Rating
8.00 (1 review)
Friends Rating
7.56 (16 reviews)
Strangers Rating
Version 1
7 Reviews
4 Comments
To say who i am is to open myself to you will you come inside? I am an old soul inhabiting old body with spirit of youth. within me is peace i have heard the voice of god painfully joyous. I but sum of parts each thought extension of self attains it's own life. I have love for all my insight sees depth of you demands disclosure knowledge fulfills me assimilation of soul birth of new spirit lighthearted laughter effervescent silliness sarcastic pundit when you look at me enlightened and lunati...
0.00 (0 reviews)
Friends Rating
8.33 (6 reviews)
Strangers Rating
0.00 (0 reviews)
Friends Rating
8.33 (6 reviews)
Strangers Rating
It is, afterall, the soul of it. The writers need for regurgitation of a hypersensitively perceived world, artfully arranged to make it more palatable to ourselves and the world. I get it, it's good.
It's hard for me to tell where we're headed here---pretty confusing this early on, but I love the witty dialogue! I think that the only criticism I can really offer at this point is that the Rev. is comming off a bit high and mighty, not (as i believe you may intend) just distracted and strange. She seems to be giving her friend a bit of a Half-assed brush off, as though he were a hired driver. I appreciate the relevence to the times, the current topics and habits of your characters. I'll loo...
Very descriptive, very adept with words. The initial seasonal transition is not clear, you go from warm blowing winds, to wintery hardness with no word o f time passing. I also think that "filthy covers" changes the portrayal of your character completely. He/she goes from frightened and depressed to something more dark, I prefered to think of him/her as more ordinary. Overall a good piece, thanks!
by Anonymous
General thoughts: it's a good plot, begins with a bit too much detail, with little "flesh". I like the characters, thats half the battle. I think you dropped the locked store room with no clerk line---i expected it to be a clerk locked in the back room or dead, or at least some mention of it in the police report. The homey scene was nice. If you're going to speak spenglish (spanish mexed with english) there i think you should do it with the little girl at the quick stop too. Good build, nice ...
i love the mixed metaphor of freeze-dried 16 millimeter. I knew immediately the politician in mind! Thats conservation of words. you speak of crucifixion and then of spilled blood---somehow those two don'e agree for me. crucify is soooo violent, and spilled seems almost accidental. I know that's used frequently, even in the bible, but thats my thought. It's really just nit picking, as this is a wonderful piece. Thanks for sharing.
