Very lovely. Haunting, almost. I would suggest capitalizing "your" in line 12--you have a structural pattern going if you do so, and it's aesthetically pleasing to the eye. I very much like how things related to night are capitalized...also structurally pleasing. Overall, quite fantastic. Well done.

I really enjoyed this piece. The usage of alliterative verse and rhyme scheme is genius, and well employed. With some modifications, this piece is gift-wrapped for success. You have some spelling and grammatical errors that at simple mistakes--I'm not sure if they were just overlooked in the haste of the moment, but once remedied, the corrections will help the flow. There's an unnecessary comma ("that,") in the third line, as well as the need for complete ellipses (…) in the entirety of the p...

Not bad. I feel that the first half of the poem is very strong, and the last seems hasty and borderline sloppy. The rhyme scheme you have going works well, but it's seemingly dropped in the last third of the poem. I'm not sure if it was intentional, but I would suggest considering keeping the same rhyme scheme throughout, it should improve the tempo.

I really enjoyed this. Your use of imagery is powerful, and while it's a short piece, it still transported my attention to a different place. The structure is very strong, but I'm having a hard time overlooking the pseudo double-negative in stanza 3, line 2. I understand the beats in the sentence are necessary to fit the rhyme scheme you have going, but "probably" seems lost. Keep writing!

This is excellent. The tone is smooth and controlled, and the editing performed (seeing as it's the third draft) on it is evident, because it's borderline masterful. I really enjoy the informal structure of the poem, but it causes me to wonder if the two stanzas are purposeful. Have you considered forming a third stanza where "This land where..." starts? It may improve the flow.

This is a beautifully written piece--it seems almost more like a prayer than a poem. It by no means diminishes the effect. I would suggest a few punctuation corrections: in stanza 4, having the period at the end of the first line interrupts the flow. A semi-colon would work well at the end of the following line. In stanza 5, the same period usage disrupts the flow; changing it into a comma allows the words to flow and the tempo changes with it. Overall, very enjoyable.

The idea is good, it just needs some structure. The first line is confusing and borderline awkward--"the genocidal" is too vague a label. There are some punctuation errors (or lack thereof), and I feel that with punctuation at the end of the lines (even just occasional comma usage), the poem would vastly improve in tone and tempo.

I really enjoy that this is a bilingual piece; trés bien. The lyrics themselves are solid, and the scant punctuation works for the flow and the tempo of the piece. However, I would like to make a few suggestions regarding word choice in the English translation (and I do understand that this was written en français first). First verse: "floating in the almost empty atmosphere." "almost empty" is awkward and it stunts the whole verse. An alternative suggestion would be "nearly empty," "voided,"...

Very quirky and fun limerick, I enjoyed it. The use of the ellipsis on the third line seems unnecessary, I think a comma would work just as well. The "best of luck" could be bumped down a line, or else use the "best" in a lower case format.

This certainly made me smile. There are still a few punctuational things to fix...for example, the last line of the first stanza should look as such: "and sound pretty, too." I really enjoyed the rhyme scheme in the stanza when you downplay rhyme, talk about poetic irony! The tone is still a little stiff, don't be afraid to use exclamation points or question marks, they add a certain lilt to your tone and tempo.