saxmastadrew's profile

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AGE: 15
LOC: Pinckney, MI
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 23

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Poetry / We Are
Version 1
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We are those children. We lie awake at midnight and deny time the aging that it defines We have the minds that exploit their blessings while undressing themselves, removing frocks of formality and socks of social norms to find that naked is divine. And we pity the gaudily garbed thoughts of hipsters, royalty, closet homosexuals, and closet individuals. Boil me in thought. I thought it'd be more comfortable than ignorance. I bought a ticket to the land of the brave but crumpled it up ...
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Poetry / We Are
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
We are those children. We lie awake at midnight and deny time the aging that it defines We have the minds that exploit their blessings while undressing themselves, removing frocks of formality and socks of social norms to find that naked is divine. And we pity the gaudily garbed thoughts of hipsters, royalty, closet homosexuals, and closet individuals. Boil me in thought. I thought it'd be more comfortable than ignorance. I bought a ticket to the land of the brave but crumpled it up ...
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Short Story / Obituary
Version 3
1 Review   2 Comments
“Mr. Gray, it's time to wake up.” said the assistant in its not-quite-monotone voice, exactly the same as it had the day before and the day before and the day before that, going back nearly two years. “You'll be late for work if you don't get up this minute.” Dean Gray remained a motionless tangle of flesh and blankets on his mattress, and it would be hard for anyone less than a physician to decide whether he was awake or completely unconscious. “Mr. Gray, are yo...
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Short Story / Obituary
Version 2
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“Mr. Gray, it's time to wake up.” said the assistant in its not-quite-monotone voice, exactly the same as it had the day before and the day before and the day before that, going back nearly two years. “You'll be late for work if you don't get up this minute.” Dean Gray remained a motionless tangle of flesh and blankets on his mattress, and it would be hard for anyone less than a physician to decide whether he was awake or completely unconscious. “Mr. Gray, are yo...
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Short Story / Obituary
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
“Mr. Gray, it's time to wake up.” said the assistant in its not-quite-monotone voice, exactly the same as it had the day before and the day before and the day before that, going back nearly two years. “You'll be late for work if you don't get up this minute.” Dean Gray remained a motionless tangle of flesh and blankets on his mattress, and it would be hard for anyone less than a physician to decide whether he was awake or completely unconscious. “Mr. Gray, are yo...
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Reviews
Non-fiction / suicide support project
by softmonkey
I don't see any ways to refine this piece, but I respect you greatly for trying to fight back against suicide instead of just being happy you were able to cope. Kudos.
Poetry / Last Letter
by leggs1985
I like it, largely b/c it very accurately represents the 'rise and fall' of a good friend of mine. The flow in the end isn't horrible, but I would shorten the 'frightened and cold' line a little, and the 'screaming...' line was a little cumbersome. The rest of it is golden--the beginning made me think it was gonna be some stupid mushy-gushy poem, but it ended up cool.
Haiku/Senryu / 9/17/07
by Deadsage
I like it...I've reviewed some of your haikus before (I think) and think you might be interested in Kerouac's 'American' or 'Western' haikus--3 lines, no set syllables, that must convey great emothion. Like the traditional haikus, except the lack of syllable structure allows more creativity. I( like this one, though not quite as much as some of your others.
Short Story / tin can journeys to the asylum
by Gazala
the second paragraph sounds like something from either Lovecraft or Kafka. You say "It was a sorryh sight" and it makes sense, but you may have meant 'I', so I thought I'd call it to your attention. I think it woudl be better to leave the quotes off of "tin can", b/c that makes it seem less like the character actually thinks he/she's in a can. (I know they dont think this, but it would just be a better meaphore w/o the quotes). This was really good writing, actually--just dont even say it's s...
Haiku/Senryu / 9/15/07
by Deadsage
I like it...kind of vague, and could be interpreted as a 'happy' or 'sad' poem depending on the reader. Not much anybody can say for critique, especially when there are so few syllables anyways.
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