I'm not exactly sure what is happeneing and that may be a good thing for this piece. I get that he built a time machine, but I feel like I'm missing half the story. Like why he built it? What was the purpose for him to go back to 2015? I thought your execution was great, but still have these questions that seem to be unanswered. This seems like it could be expanded upon. "The two hundreds flew past their visors and the three hundreds came closer as they reached the third floor. "- I'm not fam...

Thruroughly good read. Loved how you handled the psychology of the events. I'm curious as to what happened to Malcomb space craft? Why he was out there? And how long he had really been floating through space? Don't really feel that your story needs those clarifications. But thanks for letting the imagination wander. Only thing I notice consistency-wise: is it "Malcomb Hiroma" or "Malcomb Adrien"? Keep it up...

Pretty good read. I enjoyed it. Had me laughing most of the time. Especially with Maggie's inner-sarcastic voice. So yeah, kudos! Below are just my comments on two parts that really stood out for me. "the world’s worst comb-over imaginable"- I thought Donald Trump had those honors, lol... "threshold"- you can't step through something that's on the floor. A threshold is that strip of paneling underneath a door. It would be "stepping OVER the golden threshold..."

Interesting. Well written. I only noticed one typo-(“Thank you.” Jeremy stood up removing the microphone clip from his suit shirt.”) You don't need that last quotemark. I'm just confused about Sam? And who did Jeremy want to kill and why? It's like this an excerpt from a larger piece. So it's quite confusing. I liked it; it left me with a "hmm." feeling. Could be developed further if your interested in doing so. Best of luck.

"“Well, Yancey Cates, you must be southern to have a mouth full of a name like that. You gonna ask me out, or just stand there grinning?”"- If this takes place in let's say the last twenty years, I don't think she would have asked that question. Kind of felt like it was unecessary, you already have him bumbling and flirting with her, which she adeqautely reciprocates. "What is a hounfor you might ask? It is the place where the Loas are worshiped, it’s the center of the universe and all around...

Well, you certainly succeed in 'Mind-fucking the reader'. Not bad, it's like a darker version of the Short Timers. My only real criticism with this piece is the lack of names through out. Even for it being twisted and cerebally displaying his insanity, it is really hard to follow in parts like: "I looked to my right and the man who was with me was looking straight at me too." in the context you used it in I had to re-read the sentence twice over to make sure I knew who 'the man' was. It's pre...

I'm not really sure what the satire is here as far as metaphors for the degeneration of America go, but it did have me chuckling with the absurdity of the situation. It was well written, tight and concise. I've never really thought of Americans as being uptight workaholics afraid of procreation. The metaphor seems to be more in line with the Religious Right than American culture as a whole. If this is where your metaphor lies, you may want to fine tune it a bit.

Check your tensing in the fourth line; that colon is throwing me off. Feels like I'm reading it wrong. Misspelling on "Successful". Tight and concise.

First thing I noticed- If his name is George Hig, why isn't he referred to by his last name? George, Geoffry, and Maxwell monikers for this character are a little too much. Pick a name and stick with it. Watch parentheses as they are usually worthless. Um... interesting vampire story, but I was having trouble pegging as being early 19th century or early 20th century. Some of the lingo and phrasing seems to place it around the 1800's but there were other parts that made if feel like it was tak...