sadpoet's profile 
AGE:
100
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 19
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 19
I am an artist and poet but haven’t yet quit my day job!
A little bit about me and my interest:
Art, Music, Painting, Law, The Ocean and it’s creatures; great and small, Seagulls and teaching them to eat directly from my hand, Poetry, Forensics, Politics, Saving Lives, Understanding that if we drove 100 miles an hour straight up, we would be in outer space in about 35 minutes! Blood and Guts, Old Church Architecture, Heaven and Hell, Religion, Brilliant Minds, Skilled Hands, A Kind Heart, Some Very Unique and Powerful Insects, the woodwind-Soprano Saxophone, Color, Culture, Gun Shots and Stabs, Psychology more than Sociololgy, Science, Cellular Mechanisms, Microbiology, Life, The Difference in Sounds of Sirens, Rockabilly, Opals, Low R…
Items
Version 1
12 Reviews
32 Comments
I have been dead for the past three days and sixteen hours No red blood cells or plasma pulsed through my veins cage This salty cerebellum faded through blue and green distress Screaming and inching its way to black madness demise Suddenly I awakened to musical sounds of siren wail A phenomenal jolt of energy and light tumbled through I have been alive for exactly 89 minutes as blue blood toils Throughout the fields clouded by hazy misunderstanding Bargaining for peaceful slumber in the hammo...
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Reviews
Your silence is a silver blade that (shears) Into the deepest, painful thoughts (and tears) Only because you really don't have a rhyme in us and cuts. Through screams and lies and lullabies, soft sighs...Reconsider "soft sighs", it doesn't fit well. And time belies another side of life....again there is a problem with the rhyme of sighs and life not rhyming. Rhymes for sighs or lullabies from http://www.rhymezone.com/: ais, ayes, bies, bise, buy's, buys, chi's, cries, crise, di's, dies, dise,...
You have a very realistic point of view regarding life as noted in the opening line: Moments became years... And now I don't know you...may be said a better way as it now sounds like a letter, speaking directly to the person. That concept follows through the next lines then you move in another direction. First or second person view? We are shells of those young lovers...very nice visual. Pennies in a fountain rusted over...and here the concept of time is reinforced. Hearts racing, eyes smilin...
I dreamed of my countrymen...Consider disguising the countrymen at first because as the piece moves forward, you are not talking about the "countrymen" any longer past the fourth line, you are talking globally about the world and its people. I am unsure if you realize that it comes across as a much bigger and more significant vision. On a tiny blue planet, under white clouds, rotating around a yellow sun...perfect mastery of a literary painter. I see the use of color in writing as perfection....
Think about the use of the word originally and the word screamin-too different in intelligence. The use of screamin instead of screaming sounds like urban slang or lyrics, and even lazy writing. The piece will gain much more merit by being written correctly, or keep your pattern of language use the same. I can tell by the subject, you are highly intelligent-use it. Also, rhyme or don't. That also throws a wrench in an otherwise remarkable writing. Most of my peer’s shed tears while I shed blo...
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