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saboteur's profile
AGE:
26
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 06
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 06
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Version 1
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Ugly, it is ugly. People all around are cast down in misery, dejection, pain, fear, loneliness and suffering. It’s an evil and contagious plague, a pandemic afflicting the drudging masses. I don’t know what I’m doing here. ‘Get out of it! Run away. Do anything,’ he said. And in that one moment he incited a revolution in me. His words scorched a passionate message of freedom into my soul. ‘OK!’ I shout. ‘I’m doing it! I’m getting off this fucking steel coffin now!’ Overwhelmed by my newfound z...
Version 3
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Once, not too long ago, on a cold and frosty morning, a large, elderly moose known as Deniigi to his friends was making his slow, meandering way along a well-trodden pathway through the endless, rolling snowdrifts. As he walked, Deniigi pondered the nature of his world. “I am an old moose,” he mused, “and in all my years I have not received the respect that surely is my due. For do I not grow a fine pair of antlers every year as grand and sturdy as anyone could wish for? And have I not sired...
Version 1
7 Reviews
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Once, not too long ago, on a cold and frosty morning, a large, elderly moose known as Deniigi to his friends was making his slow, meandering way along a well-trodden pathway through the endless, rolling snowdrifts. As he walked, Deniigi pondered the nature of his world. I am an old moose, he mused, and in all my years I have not received the respect that surely is my due. For do I not grow a fine pair of antlers every year as grand and sturdy as anyone could wish for? And have I not sired man...
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This is interesting. As a writer you create characters and worlds but does it come at the price of cutting yourself off from the real world or is that not what many writers intentionally set out to do? An intriguing little quote.
I can totally empathise with this statement and I'm sure all writers feel the same way. This is nice because it still feels ambitious - the best hasnt been written ... yet.
In grammatical terms there are some mistakes which detract from the reader's experience. Sorry, this may just be the copyeditor in me but if you were ever sending in a manuscript for publication, things like these can work against you. For example, the keys are both inconspicuous and obvious, there are some inconsistancies in tense, 'injured in the leg' and 'had drug across' sound rather clumsy. Ok - English teacher comments aside, I really enjoyed this story. It has brilliant characterisatio...
This is a really moving piece - the relationship with the father alluded to, not detailed too explicitly. I especially like the description of a young boy forcing himself to drink Earl Grey to be sophisticated. Great stuff!
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