rsaioxkreual's profile

Many technical errors--constant spelling mistakes (collisoin-collision, teh-the, downinto-down into, etc.) grammar issues (run-ons, fragments, missing punctuation, etc.) In other terms--technically, it needs to be rewritten. I don't know anything about the character, the plot--anything. All the reader knows is that there is a war going on, and a horseback rider who is avoiding it. What's going on? What's the horseman thinking? Doing? None of this is even remotely explained in the text. My sug...

I wanted to give you a higher score than a seven, however I realized that the truth was better than a pat on the head. Your writing--as in the technicalities-- are nearly perfect. Your grammar is excellent, and you very obviously have more than a grasp on the writing part of the story. However, what is lacking is much more disturbing. There's no emotional connection between reader and the characters. The thing about this was that it was stilted--no emotions were created or even destroyed. The...

I'm going to be honest-- I didn't really like it. The reason to this is because it lacks originality. I feel as if I've read the same opening paragraph a dozen times. That's not something that any writer wants their work to be seen as. You need to strive forward and look outside the box for a first paragraph--not quote everything that has been said before. Grammatically, it was okay. You get repetitive and redundant rather quickly, and by the end I noticed that you really don't have a varied ...

This was a bit difficult to read. Not because of the paragraphs (or lack thereof), but because the sentence structure was extremely choppy. It seemed to me that you were trying to go in a dozen different directions at the same time, and yet you really didn't get anywhere. You have sentences that really don't fit well together. One of the bits about writing is that no matter how amazing your plot may be, it's the writing that sells you. The plot comes second to the writing; think of it this wa...

There was only one thing that I noticed as obviously wrong with the piece, and that was the fact that you're improperly punctuating all of your dialog. The issue is that rather than ending the dialog that has a tag (he said, she says, etc) with a comma and starting the tag with a small latter, rather than a capital, you're just putting in periods. You also have a thing for using names. It can get a little bothersome. Overall, it was good. Very confusing at the end, for me, because I couldn't ...