rhizome23's profile
AGE:
30
LOC: Austin, TX
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 22
LOC: Austin, TX
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 22
Dear merciless God.
Please make the poetry stop.
It’s worse than Haiku.
Also, please stop with the 2nd person short stories. You are not my literary Dungeon Master.
Items
Version 1
13 Reviews
5 Comments
He stepped into the light. The vehicle, which was traveling at approximately 85 mph, made initial impact at the mid thigh level. It was a compact sports car and the front bumper collapsed like an eggshell. This propelled the body forward, pitched at an approximately 45 degree angle, directly into the windshield, head slamming into the center. This impact compromised the structural integrity of the windshield yet did not break it. A series of deep cracks spanning the entire the length formed a...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
16 Reviews
9 Comments
"Pretty soon, we're going to have to start killing each other over the remainder." "I'll deal with that while you're sleeping", she said, slumping down into the mildewed, dumpster salvaged sofa. Her eyes wandered to a corner, pupils dilated. She was apparently staring at abstract patterns in the dry wall spackle. They closed. He imagined he could hear her thinking. His vision was slightly blurred, like miniscule drops of moisture congealing on the cornea. His body felt like more of a concept...
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Reviews
The tone reminded me of a light hearted "Diet Burrroughs", and I don't mean that as an insult at all. I'm guessing the intent was to present a metaphor about compulsive "self destructive" behavior leading to social quarantine and isolation. If that's the case, I see where you were going with this but would encourage you to extend it. I have to admit that I didn't see the point of the traffic scene outside of offering a reason for the rupturing of the infection and also didn't understand the s...
Seems like a humorous start to a longer piece. It's clearly written. I think you kind of jumped the gun by excluding so many pre-revolutionary activities and seem to skip directly to the apparent overthrow of state and organization of "ZOMGLOL Camps". It seems to me that there's a lot of satirical material to mined there. Like the incoherent, jabbering rallies or thea cult of "LOLZ" developing around Greanna, etc. You could easily turn this into a novella, in my opinion, and likely a "snarkil...
100.0% Review Quality (3 Votes)
Well...very British...I guess. I liked the concept of an innocuous household appliance gaining demonic sentience. The piece is clearly written. I was never clear about why Terrence lost his job. Granted, that's arguably a minor detail in the context of story, but I remember it every being directly addressed. Initially, the fridge identifies itself as being a black market item programmed to harass Terrence and then proceeds to tell him that even his wife won't believe that it speaks to him, de...
Well done. I'm a big softie when it comes to terse nihilism though. The only suggestion I have is that I think it would be more narratively effective if you extended the sequence where in they discuss the mother. Portraying it so that the narrator inadvertently implicates himself as to knowing personal details about the woman's mother under the pretense of wry bar chat. Small, unmistakable psychological idiosyncrasies and referred to as a joke but appallingly accurate, etc. If your feeling es...
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