ray2x's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: South Africa
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 21
LOC: South Africa
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 21
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Version 1
1 Review
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Who's that girl with an "R" in her sweet arms Killing me so softly giving me the sweet arms Ooops im tempted , oh baby im tempted Ooops don't touch coz baby im sweating I just wanna tingle and spread like a fire look into my eyes girl i ain't for hire Leave some space so we can respire Feel the dancehall like sugar and spice Now i dance so good like never before One glance at you and we are leaving at 4 So don't play around me coz i'll kill you with my Horoscope Abracadabra i guess ...
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
Don't shit where you eat like a dog, My daddy warned me Motherfuckers will be on you like flies, My daddy told me I'll nuke them with my swagger daddy Is the story i told him, Coz i don't take shit from anyone who tries to fuck with me I'll leave you playing the same song like a broken record Dazed like a little baby with no sucker in it's mouth Wa wa where's mommy i wanna suck her titties dry I'll make you search for Gold where there's none Like Khanyi Mbau Bury your head in the sand Like Sa...
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As this is the first work of yours i've ever read, IT IS WONDERFUL, don'T dare think about scraping it. telling the truth is a nice thing but doing it artistically is making a MASTERPIECE
u lost me a bit after the paragraph which starts with LUMINOUS but other than that i liked the poetic approach "The enigma approach" keep up the good work
"Past monsters cruel who care not for our plight" that is a million dollar line, keep up the metaphors and the good work and you will go far as the talent is definately there
The stert\start & love mistakes actually worked to your advantage as your play with words are unique and attention drawing. keep up the good work!!!
Give me more melodic rhymes e.g. smile.,miles...run...sun. just give out more rhymes
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