While I can think of a few more grand scale happenings that signal the decline of American prestige, if you will, I really like the level of originality and personal nature you bring to this subject. If I hear one more reference to the US and the Roman Empire I'm going to go crazy, but you kept it simple and realistic. I like that. If something as fundamental as PB & J is no longer a favorite, isn't "PC", what is the world coming to? I love this idea, but I don't love that you turn this essay...

This is a good draft, certainly inspiring curiosity. "Though I had a sibling on each side of me, I had never felt more alone" start your paragraph with this line, and you've completed the assignment, the rest is just buffer. (Just this part of the sentence, though, save the rest for a later one.) "The monotonous ticking of the clock seemed to echo within my skull. The sterile white walls were closing in on me and I could hold no coherent thought"- these lines work, but they're a little bland....

This piece truly has its parts, and a fountain of potential. I really like the idea of no light at the end of her tunnel. I would recommend not doing the ending idea of the tear as you have, 1. because, sorry, but it's just not unique, is almost a cliche, and 2. because it's just not consistant with human emotion. A person doesn't start in despair, so having shed only one tear for herself is quite a stretch. You maintain a pretty steady mood and tone throughout the piece. It's a dark story, ...

You have an interesting idea, here, now you just need to develop it more. I would really recommend trying to use the forest as not only a catalyst, but also an alegory. It's already there, just expand on it. People as the forest. Think about how you can draw the concept out more. Think of the deforestation in terms of metaphors for how people are "push[ed] down" and really get imageristic with it. You have a good concept, but there really isn't a whole lot of detail. You've heard the phrase "...

It can't be easy to drudge up a characterization for a centuries dead warlord and his trusty advisor, and then manage to place them into a realtionship that works and is believable, but you've done both. With the exception of the meeting of generals, I like the dialoguing in this. (The meeting seems forced. There is little of the natural feel of the speech that you had Khan speaking with earlier.) Though a little lacking, when you do use description, you do it well. The mention of God in thi...

James Joyce, anyone? You do stream of consciousness well, especially for the character you set up. However, this is at least two stories. It really loses its focus witht the introduction (abrupt as it is) of the man's thinking. It's good that you bring it all back around at the end, but it takes too long to do it. Without referencing any of the initial ideas you open with, the entire plot breaks down, and a reader becomes hopelessly lost. (Too bad the phrase "alive or just breathing?" is take...

If you keep this as an over-the-top, ridiculous adventure, it'll work. Your quips are very clever. You must have them as frequesntly as they are now. (Well, I guess must is a little strong, but they were what made this for me.) I love the connotation with Oxford, even if you didn't mean it. (Oxford-prestige, dictionaries, literary tradition. Not so much here, apparently.) You could really parody shows like the Walton's or, even more contemporary, all those little OC, 7th Heaven shows of you m...

I really like your style. It's gritty and yet detailed, very real. You capture the angst of suburbia just as you said. The character of Rotto is very well drawn, very believable. I'm 25 years old, but for a moment, I could relate to him. I felt what he felt. The story itself is well done. Bravo! I do have some problems with some of it, though. For example: The dream sequence at the beginning? I'm not entirely sure what you were going for with that, but unless you can tie it in somewhere later...

Dream sequence-due to its surrealist nature, consider cutting the (overly grounding) reference to May. "The thump of the morning paper hitting the front step awakens Jack Rotto" this line might be better as the opener for the next paragraph. Otherwise, nicely revised. And I really like the tie in throughout the story, nice. You've managed to take an already well done characterization and imrove on it. Good job. You've shown not just the angst of Jack Rotto, but also the intense alienation he ...

This is very imaginative. It's obvious you are very familiar with the creatures you've created, and most of them have routines and quirks which make them believable and multi dimensional. Village life is very convincing, and you do a good job of holding a reader's interest. Of course you should continue to write it! Do the parents that signed these permission slips know that they're children are going with a fairy to spend the summer in an enchanted village, though? It seems a little strange ...