quaintfungus's profile

Really enjoyed this piece. Great descriptions of the characters and environment. I particularly like the way the fathers chair seems to encompass his character. The little boy is especially dislikable. The way the piece ends seems to make both a heroine and victim of the mother. The reader empathises with her and yet has a sinking feeling that she will be going back to the mental establishment or prison which holds so much fear for her. I feel that you could improve the work in that respect. ...

I felt upon reading this work that I was sufficiently rewarded to continue to the end. I like the set up. The innocents arrival in the big city works well. I felt a little uncomfortable with some of the similies I suppose it can be hard to avoid cliche but maybe you could include phrases like'the night is warm and clear as crystal' as dialogue in order to attribute them to the ingenous rather than the narrator. I like the way you set up the talk show angle later in the piece that made me inte...

If I set aside the last paragraph which i imagine that you have used to tie the piece together in an amusing fashion.(It is quite amusing btw) Then I feel you have a neat character study here.... maybe useful in a novel to deliniate a character. Although your description of a woman who can't see pictures feels slightly uncomfortable. It really got me thinking about the way people view the world differently. Similarly Abstract painters will suggest that the one legged cow with three heads they...