pryzmkess's profile

pryzmkess avatar
AGE: 32
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 02

I am seeking critiquing on some short stories that I’m working up for a novel.  I may have other pieces, unrelated to the noval, posted later.

Thank you for your time spent reviewing my work.  I appreciate the time you spend reviewing my work, and advising me.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Gideon - Chapter 3
Version 1
12 Reviews   12 Comments
There were two options for getting home: the public transport system or my own feet. Taking the suspended cable trolley the runs over the Inner Sea of Gideon would be faster, but I felt like a walk. So when I exited the shower room in my street clothes, I passed by the elevated rail station and headed for the long bridge that ran between the Outer Ring and the Inner Ring. Both of the rings were composed of massive ferroconcrete blocks; the rings were largely independent of one another, save f...
Ratings & Rankings
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Gideon - Chapter Two
Version 1
11 Reviews   3 Comments
My nights aren’t usually this interesting, I thought as I looked down at the corpse. She was pale and gray, though she hadn’t been in the water long enough to destroy her skin. And I know all about how salt water affects dead skin; I saw the results in the mirror for weeks after my crossing. Her black hair hung limp and stringy; her face was dragged down into an empty mask by gravity’s pull on her muscles. The once-bright yellow dress was wrinkled and lank against the concrete floor. I couldn...
Ratings & Rankings
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Gideon - Chapter 1
Version 1
11 Reviews   5 Comments
There are nights that I appreciate what I do for a living. There are also nights like this, when the wind howls off the ocean and Gideon isn’t the City of Promise, but a cage of safety. Sounds messed up, but when you can’t leave somewhere for fear of your life, then it is a cage. Below my dangling feet, the ocean splashes and churns, spinning the hydraulic fans that help power Gideon. I can just see the top one of the ten-foot fans rotating gently under about twenty feet of ocean, but the bla...
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Short Story / The Killing Fields
Version 1
9 Reviews   2 Comments
She walked in darkness, and the others never understood why. Duke understood her; that was why they worked so well together. But it was a little difficult for a dog to explain to other humans things like night vision and the perils of light-blindness. And so while Wicker’s flashlight was a yellow beam in the night ahead of her, and Jolle’s was cutting through the dark behind her, Beth walked in darkness. The Osage night was hot and thick, full of dust, stars and endless night noises. Those ti...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Poetry / Yin-Yang Love
Emotional and evocative. I liked the imagery that you supplied. The subject is interesting, though will turn others off. A few notes: -work on rhyme and structure - neither are required but they make the poem seem more polished -charade, not sharade
Short Story / Simple Sermon
The grammar and spelling was good; no mistakes jumped out at me. The language feels stilted and overly-flowery and impedes the flow of the words, for me. It is a good character study; after reading it, I felt like I knew Loni and Henry in particular. Not the details of their lives, but some of their basic personality. More information would be interesting but unneccesary. It is well-written overall; the only reason I gave it a low score on publishablity is because it had no conflict or plot a...
Crime, Thrillers & Mystery / Prologue for Merces Letifer
Locked
Novel Treatments / over come by the fear
I don't usually comment on the comments, so to speak. But I have to say this: if you want to be professionally published, you'll need to adjust your stance a little. Being a published author is about selling to the public, and opening yourself up to that is part of the price you pay. If you self-publish - i.e., pay a printing company to print copies of your book - then you'll be able to avoid that, but the book still has to appeal for you to recover the printing costs. I don't want to dissuad...
Plot: Interesting plot, with a very Matrix feel to it, at least on the outside. And humanity has damned itself, so that is quite different as well. I wonder if the two appearant leads - Dr. Klien and Fred will work together and overcome their addictions to save the world. I also like that there are two worlds now - one world is people who enter the pods, while another is the world where people still live. Characters: Dr. Klien seems very 'flat' at this point - a scientist who is responsible f...