porsche89's profile

I found this prose pretty hilarious, although I'm not sure what an O-ring is. Perhaps I should just Google it. Anyways, I love the slight alliteration with "touching tit." Plus, it's just an awkward and different way of saying 'fondling' and I love it. It's great how you're so lax and casual through this whole encounter. It seems as if you're just doing this to pass the time and to not hurt the boy's feelings too too much. One thing I don't really understand: 'I'm playing Mario Kart on the ba...

Honestly, I don't understand this poem at all. I sense underlying talent, but unless you were going for something nonsensical, this is a bit too cryptic. I read your note and get the feeling that this poem isn't really supposed to make sense, and if that's the case I think you should choose one or two of the things you mentioned in the piece and go with them. Write nonsense about specific things, not just random stuff. I do believe this has some promise, though.

I like this. It's great how it simplifies your thoughts and actions, but still says so much while at the same time being mysterious. It makes me wonder what, exactly, you are going through. Some thing are a bit confusing, however. First, I don't see a pattern in your capitalization. It seems like words are randomly lowercase or uppercase. Capitalization is a powerful tool and I think it would be especially great in this piece. Perhaps consider changing capitalizations to make a stronger state...

This poem has a lot of potential. You're great at setting the mood and invoking emotion. The poem doesn't seem to go anywhere, though. I read your note and realize that this is a prologue, but I still feel there should be a bit of a stronger finality to it. I'm sure it would all make more sense if I read "Knife," I tried getting to your profile to read it but I couldn't figure out how to get there from here so please keep that in mind while reading my critique. I did see a few technical error...