Very cool, its an image that Van Gogh would be prond of. Honestly I have no idea how I can critique this into a this is wrong-this is right, take it as you shall but thats very impressive if you ask me.

Lawl thats pretty good.

Nice, it shows an amount of secrecy without overplaying the trump card of mystery. What made this work was the line "The toast has gone out for bread" this is one of the coolest things I have heard in along time. If I may can I quote that? The only problem I had was with the your note to the reviewer, it was a necessary thing to say but it led me on to beleve that the story was taking place in the "south" as in the dixie country, and not Central America.

Lawl, in the first line you said this takes place in Texas, I'm sure this could be made into a harlequin if you took all of the talent and rhyme. Your right it was a good laugh, keep up the good work.

Yeah I have the same problem, just because I wrote my own linux system, that I know why there Ipood doesnt work. The way you dictate your thoughts was nicely done.

I agree, I just unlocked a love poem called "snowfield" and on the sidebar there were ad's for fucking hunting supplies. You beat me to this rant, and you better than I probably would have.

Yes this is worth adding to. The main problem is the amount of description your giving for each of the stages in your story, after the first part, the story becomes choppy. You need to add more to what is going on, ie developing who all of the charters are, it would be great to know more about the "weardo club" and Joe. All and all its a good story, I want to work on one of my storys now. It just need more to be a well rounded story, witch is convenient for you.

I think this is the first positive thing I have ever seen about The Kate, nice originality.

This wasnt a story or an excerpt, this is more of a summery of the happenings. The plot has potential, you just need to add alot and I mean alot of detail on every aspect of the story.

The last two lines were kick ass, the problem in this piece is the structure. With the flow the way it is you should break it up into small paragraphs by each period.