Good rhythm and flow to the poem. I find it odd though that anyone would base a poem on someone else's original work. This however gives us a character in detail and works well as a poem in and of itself. Not knowing this particular King story I would go into more detail about the landscape through which he walks. I would give the land and the atmosphere its own characterization. Right no I have the feeling that there is also much more detail to be given the character. If this is tribute to K...

The rhythm and flow of this piece are impeccable. I applaud your word usage as it is precise and direct. Grammar; I not i. Also Anytime Anywhere

Wonderful mening packe into just few words. Not sure that you should capitalize at the beginning of every line. I would only capitalize to begin a sentence. Also the line, "slick words play on eager ears?" It does not seem to fit to me. It feels outside the metaphor that works so well right before it/

Excellent bit of work for performance piece. It has the rhythm of spoken word and probably came off very well read out loud. the line "prison lair" does not work for me. This poem feels very "street" yet that line does not. I know it had to fit the rhyme, but maybe there is something else that would work better.

Gerat word usage. i for one am glad you waited. The way the word explode onto the page with such overwhelming emotion is incredible. The last line how ever bothers me. Here is a suggestion, "These words are my only salvation in a world that brings pain forgiveness" OK this is obviously not my poem but I feel that the last line needs some sort of conclusion. I am sure that what you would come up with would be much more appropriate to the context of what you are trying to say. So "Write on." I ...

I enjoy the imagery you create here. The never ending struggle, the effort it takes. Very poignant. I do however feel confused from the first stanza to the second. I would suggest staring with the second stanza then at the end it is a new morning with the sun rising glining off the morning dew gathered on a web. Then the spider crawls up the wall , in other words the first stanza. This is all just opinion, but other wise the poem feels incongruent from beginning to end. Don't get me wrong the...

Unique in voice. I find it intriguing that you call on Shakepeare as a novice. I do however feel that the style seems to jump from ryhming to a no rhyming pattern and as spoken word it works sometimes and othertime does not

this feels like a good starting point. unfortunately that is all that exsits up to this point. the writing is strong in what we have before us, but so much more can exist here. I suggest you expand on these ideas, "influences of the mind, defenses weaken, sense of reason" i have right now concrete ideas, I need more.

the last half of the poem is strongly written. I though have problems with opening stansas. The mythical feel of the last half works well. i feel that maybe a mythical treament of the current love will work as well and also make it less "Hallmark Card" and more "Wordsworth"

Your imagery, as per usual, is astounding. i applaud you careful word usage and attention to cerebral detail. bravo