When I got to the last sentence of this I felt like I was hit in the face. Wow! Unexpected! And what a double meaning... you can take this literally as an author and his story, or you can look a little deeper and imagine what else this could mean. I enjoy the images you brought up in the third paragraph. You've done well to choose objects that are personal - but not too personal - to the main character. This helps you to peer into this character's mind a lot better. This really makes you wond...

I had a little bit of a hard time reading this. You are using a lot of very rich language, but also a lot of run on language. I always suggest to poets to read their own piece out loud before they consider it finished: it gives you a lot better of an idea of how the sounds take shape and the piece flows. I would check your punctuation - periods, commas, semicolons - and line breaks. "either rich are barren" ??? who is this "you" the narrorator mentions in the third and sixth stanzas? There is...

This reads much more like a poem than lyrics. You have a chorus, but the verses are the same length as the chorus. Also, there just aren't that many verses to being with... if this were actually put to music, how long would the song be? It seems like it would be either mostly instrumental or a very short song. In my opinion I think you should do away with the repeated stanza as a chorus and make this a poem, either that or expand it a little bit, add a couple more verses and make it a longer ...

This is probably one of my most favorite of these six word memoirs I've seen yet. Love being killed by lust puts such a powerful image in my head. The art school adds a little bit of young, creative edge to it - good job with this!!

At first reading this, I was like "uh... what?" It seemed more like a poem that was squished together in paragraphs instead of with line breaks and stanzas. Once I got to the fourth paragraph, however, I started to realize a little more what is going on. I really enjoy this. The story is told in a very cute way, I'm assuming a father talking to his son at various points in their lives. In the sentence "It’s always a new adventure." I would leave it like that... I feel the two uses of "turn" m...

Is the second line in the second stanza meant to be so much longer than the others? It looks odd, and messes with the flow. There are some obvious parts of it that would be good line breaks. Also the last stanza reads more like a paragraph in my head... I like how you've used a kinda rhyme but not really scheme... this piece reads great out loud and seems like it would be good as slam poetry. I have two favorite parts: the first stanza, and the second to last. You have done a wonderful job of...

There are a lot of a minor grammar, spelling, capitalization and punctuation errors. They look as though they're things you just missed when typing fast. A quick read through should help you find them all... try reading out loud to find things you might miss when you read silently. Also you should start a new paragraph every time there is a new person speaking dialogue. This story is told from the perspective of a 16 year old girl - you've done a good job with making the dialgue sound like th...

You know how when you are reading something that is really good, your eyes move a little faster than your brain can process because you want to know what happens next sooo bad? I totally got this feeling when reading this piece. You use such good language. Some of your adjectives are so wild and they work! Hard-shirted to describe a town? I'll admit I know nothing of the writing styles or authors you named in your reviewer notes, but I will say that I think you are a good story writer. The id...

This is a very cute piece to read! A little bit of tongue twister, very light hearted, it puts a nice message across. Although I personally wouldn't call it a poem, it's more like a quote. Good work.

The first two lines don't make any sense the way they are. "Would you believe" would work a little better. The first two lines in the second stanza - WHAT is not a mirage, WHAT is solid? "What I see is not a mirage..." perhaps? In lines three and four, I don't see the reason for both question marks. "What I see?" is not a question on its own. When we go on two the last two lines it raelly doesn't make any sense - all meaning of the words is getting lost in the punctuation marks. All four line...