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AGE:
100
LOC: Narragansett, RI
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 29
LOC: Narragansett, RI
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 29
She dwells by the sea, where the hollow roar of the ocean lulls her to sleep at night. Salt-tinged breezes waft through her artist’s studio, ruffling pages which dance, momentarily indolent, in the puff. Hunkered over her keyboard, she types furiously, rat-a-tatting out a story.She lives the artist’s life; seeing the world only in the ways she would paint or write it. Solitude is her comfort and constant work companion. Color and adverbs are medicinal. Creating.She lives for this.
www.SusiFranco.com
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Version 1
7 Reviews
8 Comments
Watching the blue-ish tv glowing Cooly in the dark, A movie about a woman Committed to a mental institution is playing- "Don't watch it" My psyche whispers My heart, just as strong Tells me " you can do it... Watch it…maybe healing will come." The images of slobbering women Clawing themselves, moaning and murmuring Nonsense syllables that represent a private language; Human beings trapped in the mire of their own lives Unable to find their way home again; Some nameless monster of hurt Standin...
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Let me begin by saying this is a very impressive WIP; I congratulate you. I see no reason why, with some tweaking, this couldn't be quite a successful young adult novel coming to a book retailer near you. :) I think your story, the plot, is largely well-crafted. The beginning, however, suffers from lingering too long on Michael's resentment for his life circumstances/having to move, etc. You can establish this very nicely in a whole lot less verbiage.It is important to the plot but not centra...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
The first note I must offer you is your switching rhyme schemes back and forth. You must pick a scheme and stick to it, if you want your work to cary it's message clearly and not lift the reader out of the piece and into your writing, if you understand what I mean. At the beginning of the piece, I felt good about the rhythm you were establishing, but you changed it competely in the next stanza and shot yourself in the foot. I have been asked to critique quite a few poems and I tell each poet ...
This is brilliant in it's concept and I applaud you. It is also massively ambitious and I applaud you again. There are several spots where you lose clairty though, and a few where you are incongruous. ex: "Drat! Again, we lost a spot We cannot put missiles in Cuba". Try omitting "Drat", a slang term completely out of balance with the weight of what you are saying in this stanza. It doesn't work and runs the risk of seeming silly and distracting your reader. "I shall take over the world." This...
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