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petal603's profile
AGE:
40
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 27
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 27
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Version 1
24 Reviews
2 Comments
Tiberius Rex was a leopard gecko. He was named after his grandfather, who was named after his grandfather and so on down the line, his mom said, for as long as anyone could remember. Tiberius was an old dignified name, but only his mother called him that, his friends called him ‘T’. T lived under a rock in dry, warm tunnels not far from a bubbling brook with his mother and four noisy sisters: Kylee, Grace, Lynne and baby Agnes. On warm summer days, T loved to lie on his favorite rock and soa...
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I am at a loss on how to critque this. It is such a personal piece. Ironically, I'm writing this on Memorial Day, on of the days I miss my grandpa the most. he was more like a father to me and so your blog touches home. Not just for me, but everyone who has experienced loss. I was just telling my daughter about him today because I thought it a tragedy that she didn't know him. I am sorry for your loss; a loss you've put it words we can understand.
It's hard to get the feel of the story from just the prolouge so I'll concentrate on grammar and punctuation. Here are a few notes I made as I read. I lay in my bed,as stiff as a bord... board Every thing.. everything And the number of enemy’s...it's not a possessive noun: enemies except my knowlage... knowledge mothers brother. This is a possessive noun HE doesn’t know.. never use all caps, even for emphasis. Make sure you leave a space after a comma and period.
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