This is a very intriguing and interesting beginning. The description of Isabella, and the spider that is above her is striking. The first chapter seems a promise of some very interesting things to come. The weaving in of old biblical references is interesting - but it is clear that there is something underneath. I'll want to read more. The prologue needs a point of view, though - is this an omniscient narrator? If so, it doesn't quite seem omniscient (that's hard to pull off.) It would help, ...

This is a sweet story. It's intriguing, and the setting is unusual. I like the descriptions of the two characters, and their connection and mutual fondness is palpable. I think it could be quite a bit longer - there seems to be so much story here, and I'd like to hear more - not necessarily in detail, but even in intimations. How did they meet? What is the nature of the prince, who is Medli? Keep going! I'd love to read more.

This is a great series of snippets - quite interesting - and certainly could lead to something bigger. The first scene, in the bar, is intriguing, but not so clear. I'm not sure what exactly they are talking about. It seems like banter, but then there seems to be something else below it - but it's hard to tell what's going on. The scene with the burning building, then her in a ship to escape whatever happened is compelling - that's the core I see - I'd love to see that expanded out into a story.

This is a very interesting beginning. I love the mythic element - a way of explaining creation, and then leading into a story about particular people, and the things that they do, and effects they have in the world. I think the prologue is too long. Of course, I don't know what you have in mind for the story - but I'd like to hear much more detail about Electra and V. but that seems like it belongs in a story, not in a prologue. I'd have the last sentence be: "Electra sold herself and her pow...

I like it, a lot. The setting seems like it's going to be quite interesting, and perhaps not your standard story with dragons. It seems creative enough to me that it's not going to veer too much in the way of cliche. Yes, it's got dragons and a castle, yes, it's got an apprentice. But the combinations are interesting, and the characters feel like they might emerge in a compelling way. Of course, in this snippet, it's hard to know exactly who is who - but it's a taste I like - I'd look forward...

This is an interesting post-apocalyptic story. I think that the story itself (starting from page 1) is what you should focus on. I'd say toss the prologue, and tell that story through dialogue, or let that emerge from the actual action and story that you are telling. Your character is intriguing, and it looks like it could be a great coming of age story. I'd be interested in finding out what happens to her.

It is a great setting - an alternative present set in a London that had mythic species exposed to the public. There are all sorts of interesting things you can do with this - and you've definitely made a convincing set of things happening - an agency responsible for mythian relations, interspecies relationships, etc. One of the major things that takes a while to get clear is exactly what the timeframe is. It feels like the present at times, but you talk about WWII as if it happened so recentl...

It's an interesting setting, and a great premise. Lyca is an interesting, and mysterious character. The descriptions are vivid, and compelling. There are a few things that aren't clear at all, though. "The terror on the man’s face had confirmed both her suspicion that he had had no idea that she was a shapeshifter," - but he'd seen her shapeshift. "If he truly understood what it was that he hunted, that is, lycanthropes, he’d have known that she shouldn’t have been able to transform at will a...

The setting is potentially interesting, and you are definitely building some interesting tension - what is going on on the planet - what are the artifacts - why bring in Tenbrey, etc. It's believable hard sf, as well. But the writing needs work - it's sometimes overwrought and overly dramatic. For instance, this sentence: "The sergeant also seemed to understand the loneliness that comes from not having your brothers-in-arms with you." How did that happen? They had hardly met or shared any wor...

I like this continuation. You are bringing in some new, interesting characters, filling out the backstory so that this is a pretty intriguing world, and filling more details of the character, and the situation she is in. Basically, the plot is interesting, and the scenes are well thought out - in terms of what happens during the scenes, and what their contribution is to the story. I think in general, the plot is good, and fairly convincing overall. I don't feel like there are things I am miss...