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pearlbear's profile 
AGE:
49
LOC: Shutesbury, MA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 07
LOC: Shutesbury, MA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 07
I’ve been writing for years – poetry since 1980, lots of technical and scientific writing, and short memoir for a while too. I’ve just recently started writing fiction – short stories, and a novel that I finished this summer, that I hope to publish. I’m looking for ways to increase the amount of writing I do, and especially increase the amount of fiction writing, and essay.
Items
Version 1
5 Reviews
3 Comments
It was a very hot day – one of the hottest that summer. Garinda caught the bus a block from their building, and sat in the sweaty, humid air, with dozens of other sweating bodies, as the bus slowly lurched from stop to stop. She got off at the flea market, and walked through the doors of the flea market, which was set up on the inside of an large, crumbling, seemingly abandoned building. There was a huge central area, where the main vendors were set up, with rows and rows of tables, selling e...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
14 Reviews
7 Comments
San Francisco, California, Earth, April 20, 2011 Marianne almost tripped as she walked into the bar. She could be a bit clumsy sometimes, especially when she was distracted, as she was tonight. But the familiar scent of the place was strong enough to break through her fog. She wrinkled her nose at the scent of stale beer, and someone's too-liberal application of men's cologne. At least it was better than the thick cloud of cigarette smoke which had filled the bar in the old days, before it wa...
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Reviews
I like this continuation. You are bringing in some new, interesting characters, filling out the backstory so that this is a pretty intriguing world, and filling more details of the character, and the situation she is in. Basically, the plot is interesting, and the scenes are well thought out - in terms of what happens during the scenes, and what their contribution is to the story. I think in general, the plot is good, and fairly convincing overall. I don't feel like there are things I am miss...
The setting is potentially interesting, and you are definitely building some interesting tension - what is going on on the planet - what are the artifacts - why bring in Tenbrey, etc. It's believable hard sf, as well. But the writing needs work - it's sometimes overwrought and overly dramatic. For instance, this sentence: "The sergeant also seemed to understand the loneliness that comes from not having your brothers-in-arms with you." How did that happen? They had hardly met or shared any wor...
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
It's an interesting setting, and a great premise. Lyca is an interesting, and mysterious character. The descriptions are vivid, and compelling. There are a few things that aren't clear at all, though. "The terror on the man’s face had confirmed both her suspicion that he had had no idea that she was a shapeshifter," - but he'd seen her shapeshift. "If he truly understood what it was that he hunted, that is, lycanthropes, he’d have known that she shouldn’t have been able to transform at will a...
It is a great setting - an alternative present set in a London that had mythic species exposed to the public. There are all sorts of interesting things you can do with this - and you've definitely made a convincing set of things happening - an agency responsible for mythian relations, interspecies relationships, etc. One of the major things that takes a while to get clear is exactly what the timeframe is. It feels like the present at times, but you talk about WWII as if it happened so recentl...
This is an interesting post-apocalyptic story. I think that the story itself (starting from page 1) is what you should focus on. I'd say toss the prologue, and tell that story through dialogue, or let that emerge from the actual action and story that you are telling. Your character is intriguing, and it looks like it could be a great coming of age story. I'd be interested in finding out what happens to her.
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