Letting go....great title...I like the idea of trying to remember things, but trying to forget them at the same time. I think the strongest lines in the poem are in the last stanza and perhaps would better serve the poem at the beginning. As I'm struggling to make myself remember all the reasons why I left you. I would cut off the last two lines of the poem, and move these to the beginning. Then start the second stanza with the one you have first. Play around with the sequencing and the right...

This is a great use of ship imagery. I really enjoyed it. What I would suggest is shortening the lines near the ending stanzas to provide them with greater punch. The painful heartbreak would be stronger if the poems ending lines were shorter to increase the drama and undercurrent of loss in this poem. These are my favorite lines: I will tie myself in knots with jute cord and reinforce my heart with razor wire. This image is great and very powerful. I would almost suggest ending the poem with...

This is a great stanza: Your ebony limbs entwined with mine My earth quakes and shakes and Opens up from the slightest stroke of your tongue Hungrily I await to be conquered I have only one suggestion: I would delete the last "and" in the second line. I also don't think that these two lines are necessary: How can I forget? How can I forget? Just a few minor adjustments and this poem will be great. Keep up the good work.

I think this query letter is nearly perfect. The only thing that I would put earlier on is the part about the near-death experience of Tebrey because it will set the tone for his character and what he must overcome throughout the expedition. I would suggest saying: Lt. commander Hrothgar Tebrey, a tormented military attache sent to assess alien artifacts for their military application, is marooned with a team of scientists on Cedeforthy. Please forgive any of my spelling errors here...I think...

I really enjoyed this piece. In this stanza: There, over there peering waiting holding a breath until I would eliminate the "until" because it causes the reader to stumble. I think it should end with holding a breath. I almost what the last line: As they return to soothe her pain! to be changed or eliminated. It's too contrived. I think saying the they start anew and the cycle begins is enough for the reader to infer that they return to soothe her at last.... I would eliminate the last line. ...

What a great twist at the end and I love how the title does not give away the ending or the subject matter. The Looker almost makes you think that it is about the woman and what a "looker" she is. Just a few questions: 1. are comments like these, your author personality interjecting or the narrator? "Too strong? … Okay, I’ll cut that line." I think they detract a bit from the story, and would make the narration smoother if they were not in there. 2. There are a ton of images in this piece, bu...

This is a raw poem. I love the power in it. Just one typo: "imrisoned," I think you meant "imprisoned." Also, I think because there is a lot of power in this poem, I would suggest a few changes: In this line, "Culminating in an imrisoned soul;" I would change it to simply "imprisoned soul." For this line, "Justice in the unforgiving abyss;" I would modify it to "Justice: unforgiving abyss." In this line, "Dealt to those who wrongly crossed the line;" I think it needs to be shorter, like "deal...

This has a great deal of feeling and imagery packed into it. I enjoyed reading this. I do find a few lines disjointed from the rest of the poem: "after the afterglow" "for their loftiest gain" "and find lineages of future" I think these could be tweaked more in line with the poem's predominant rhythm. Additionally, I think that rather than "to create Beethoven jealousy;" jealousy should be moved to the front of the next line, so the lines read: "to create Beethoven jealousy on the chords of m...

This is an interesting twist on haiku given that it is not about nature, which is the general rule of thumb for haiku. I really love the first two lines, but the third one fell flat for me and could use more work. I played around a bit below. Just some ideas that came to me. Haiku police raid Round up syllables on the loose, lining thoughts up. Good work, keep writing.

This is an interesting quote, but I think it is too cliche. Perhaps another way to say lust would improve it. And is it the love of art school or the love for someone in art school that is lost to lust?