patrick's profile
AGE:
26
LOC: Brooklyn, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 10
LOC: Brooklyn, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 10
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The imagery is excellent... the insects in the fan, your dad in his bathrobe, the herbed air. There is jump for me between the present and the past which happens after the second line, and it might make more sense to people if you wrote a transition of some sort.
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