paperninja's profile

There is a discrepancy in the opening paragraphs: "all these years and he still hadn't managed to learn the virtue of patience" and then "He had waited centuries for the girl’s birth and could wait a little longer". Lauriana mentions her 'cousin Ginny' and then asks where Maya's mother is. Realistically, she would have asked where Ginny was. All the names and family connections are confusing, cousins and brothers popping up all over the place. This is the first chapter of an epic saga - there...

This started out as a curiosity read, and then I couldn't stop. It was laugh-out-loud funny. I have no idea where you could publish it, but it certainly deserves an airing. Perhaps 'Playboy' magazine - I do not suggest 'Playboy' because of the subject of your story, but because they pay handsomely for quirky fiction. The Russian's "voice" came across exceptionally well, I could hear him speaking in my head. The unnamed American's speech also sounded slightly Russian - I am not sure how you wo...

I had to read the second paragraph twice in order to understand the thread of the story. I think all that is required is a re-organisation of the sentences: "Dr Bryant, the story's dead pan narrator ... just not in his bed. What begins as an erotic fantasy ... an unexpected turn. But Dr P ... even when his opponent is an imaginary young and masculine ... of Dr Bryant's own making. What follows..." "Drawling" is inappropriately used here. It refers to speech. Perhaps a typo for "drawing"? Are ...

Captivating from beginning to end. It would be interesting to know if your alternative tale will completely follow the tale of Osiris and Set - you've certainly laid the groundwork for the possibility, but have left it intriguingly open, encouraging the Reader to want to find out more. I particularly liked the link between Osiris greeting Isis and Qebera greeting Sanni, an excellent parallel that emphasised the differences and similarities between the gods and mortals (and giving the lie to S...