paintedsnake's profile
AGE:
31
LOC: Portland, OR
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 08
LOC: Portland, OR
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 08
I am many things and I am nothing. I am southern by upbringing, Caribbean by heritage, and opinionated by birth. I am a Libra: I am moody and caring, outgoing and outspoken, intelligent and insightful. I rant, I rage, I rave, I riot. Nothing I do is halfway but I am notorious for not finishing things. I am a cynic with moments of idealism and hope. I seek balance, beauty, and meaning in everything around me. I’m a sensitive soul with a heart wrapped in steel. I am spiritual but wonder about my place in the universe. I am an insecure egomaniac. I am a writer who fears the impact of my words. I am many things, and this is my mantra when I am nothing…
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I put my pen down and stretch my fingers out, the knuckles popping as my fingers curl back in. I didn't realize how hard I was gripping my favorite pen. This is the fifth time I've started this letter today and I still haven't figured out the best way to begin. It's been almost 10 years since we last talked but I haven't stopped thinking about you in all that time. The envelope has been addressed and stamped for so long that I've had to add more postage as the rates changed. I'm ashamed that ...
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Version 1
6 Reviews
3 Comments
I always wanted to be a writer. Of all the things I’ve obsessed and contemplated over in my 29 years, that has stayed consistent, if only in the desire and not the action. It’s not to say that I haven’t written. Actually I never stop. Everything I write is scattered and rambling. Strings of words meant to convey some convoluted message, an attempt at logic that I can barely make sense of myself yet feel compelled to explore in poetry and prose. I started writing when I was a small kid. I was ...
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i am drunk and lost in a memory long past. if you could, you said, you'd stop time on a single moment and continue to relive it into eternity. i wondered but didn't ask, dared not query out loud. you didn't offer. so i let it go. on the days when i believe in love i think i know the occasion. minutes before a rare desert downpour, standing so close that not even a raindrop would fit between us. listening to the sound of thunder. words impatiently pushing behind intently closed mouths, opening...
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i saw you watching me on the dance floor, pretending you weren't there, wishing things were different, but refusing to let you impact me, not even for another minute. you used to love to watch me dance, you said you envied my freedom, like i'm the last dancer in the world, and the fate of humanity rests in the sway of my hips, and the smile on my lips, and i am drunk on the power. you left me scarred and untrusting, you said i'd never leave her. you were wrong but will never see it, because i...
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Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
Call me a cynic. Maybe it's because I'm fresh out of a long -term relationship and i'm feeling just a tad bitter...but I am so sick of the constant preoccupation with love in our culture. The search for it, the acquisition, how to fix it when it goes wrong...oh for fuck's sake already why can't we all just get hobbies and be done with it. I was supposed to go to the reception of a really nice couple I met recently who just got married and i just couldn't bring myself to do it. I am very happy...
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I was truly moved by this tribute writing to your father. It's is amazing the impact that this man obviously had on your life. In this world that we live in, where you hear more stories of broken homes and broken people than anything else,it is very refreshing to read about a man who was a father in the truest sense. I envy you but am happy that you recognize what a wonderful person you had in your life. The legacy can only continue. I wish you luck.
Your note says you want specific notes on grammer and structure but that not really my thing so please forgive me. Instead I really want to commend you for your bravery. This piece brought tears to my eyes not only because i could relate to some of the issues of shame and blame that you bring up but more because I am in awe of your ability and willingness to write about these things. I have spent many years trying to figure out how to write about my life without exposing too much of myself or...
I love the memior genre and this is a very interesting start. I like the overall flow and your writing voice. The only critiqes that I have is that you tend to "overword" as one on my writing profs used to call it. For example,"as she *daily* trudges through the routine of her existence with the *outward* physical scars", daily becomes redundent when you are talking about her routine, it's already implied. and physical scars are obviously on the outside, i know it seems minor but it really cl...
This poem has some serious potential but is a little ough around the edges. I really like the imagery but the flow is not quite as smooth as it could be. Try alternate word and editing extraneous words to smooth things out. Overall a good start but keep working on it.
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