orphandeity's profile

I don't get it... maybe I'm looking too hard. I don't quite know what I'm supposed to be visualizing. Is this about a pickle vendor on the freeway that you are somehow oblivious to? I'm intrigued, but I still don't understand.

Seems to me like you've mixed a few of your own lines with the original lyrics to the song. I just read the lyrics to the song and then read your poem. Didn't do a careful analysis or anything, but my suggestion would be to take out the song lyrics and do an interpretive poem using your own words.

I loved the imagery in this. I thought the nature personifications were magnificent. Only critisism I would give is maybe split up the line "You will try to return it is in your nature".

I didn't care for this at all. I did find it kind of funny though, so I guess you succeeded in that. After reading this several times I still don't know exactly what it's about... seems vague. I did like how you played with the name- is Bill high or is the bill high?