onlywish's profile

My first read of the story left me with a jagged, disjointed feeling. This impression was right, but my reasoning was wrong. Flash fiction is written with word limits. When reading your story all I thought about was the choppy feel and the author was doing this for the number of words allowed. Paying no attention to the story. After reading the story two more times. not that I had to, but wanted to. The main character who's name is never mention (Buck, The New) I felt an emotional tie with. T...

You have a good start, but you tell us the whole story in three lines (not easy to do) not good in haiku. Let the reader find the meaning to your writing. You Do Not need the word "tight" if you use "white knuckled hands" it tells the same thing.The latter tells us in more detail.

You wanted to know how this made me feel. Well I felt nothing. The writing is good and the verses run seamlessly, but I have read before. Maybe not word for word, yet close enough. (Your eyes are like ice that burn my very soul) I just don't get a happy or sad feeling. Maybe a smile but that's as far as it goes. It seems so 80's

The concept of Polly going into the picture of Dorian Gray was appealing. The reality of the story was not. To use Oscar Wilde "Dorian Grey" for your backdrop, would only work if the writing was on at the same level. You go from writing the story as a adult - "While browsing through my collection of books I stumbled upon ‘The picture of Dorian Gray’." To writing as a child plus misspelled words.- "It had been my first big story of Oscar Wilde and has been one of my favourite stories ever sinc...

You make two bold statements, lacking all emotion. Which makes me think you have no clue on writing haiku. But your third line gives us the why. With a unique use of a cliche. Very clever.