oneshot92's profile
AGE:
35
LOC: Farmington, AR
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 06
LOC: Farmington, AR
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 06
Hello. My name is Darrell. My writing has always been an escape for me. I have never recieved any professional classes, and other than my beautiful wife, this is the first time that anyone has looked at my work. I would love to make writing my career, and truly hope that this web site will help me achieve that goal.
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CHAPTER 5: LAYING OUT THE PIECES MONDAY, AUGUST 19 1991 FORT BENNING, GEORGIA 1735 HRS. Drill Sergeant Bobby Malloy was sitting in the 1st Platoon office with his feet on the desk and the phone to his ear. He was gently rocking himself back and forth in the chair, coming ever so close to falling over backwards. “Ryan, its Bobby Malloy.” He said cheerfully into the hand set. “Hey Bobby, how’s life at Benning?” Ryan Pace greeted him from the other end of th...
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CHAPTER 4: THE CREAM RISES SATURDAY, AUGUST 10 1991 FORT BENNING, GEORGIA 1530 HRS. The recruits had now been moved up to their living quarters, inside the extensions. Colby Greer and Ryan Geerts were now members of 1st Platoon, E Company, 2nd Battalion, 58th Infantry Regiment [Training]. 1st Platoon’s bay was located on the right side of the second floor. 2nd Platoon was located opposite them on the same floor, with 3rd and 4th on the third floor. Upon entering the 1st P...
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CHAPTER 3: NEW FRIENDS FRIDAY, AUGUST 9 1991 FORT BENNING GEORGIA 0530 HRS. Colby Greer opened his eyes to find the lights in the bay had been turned on. He raised his left arm to look at his watch, five-thirty-came awfully fast in the army. Colby felt as if he had just closed his eyes to go to sleep. He rolled out from under the covers and placed his feet into his shower shoes. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, stood up on his feet and stretched his arms high in the air. He then dia...
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CHAPTER 2: RUDE AWAKENING TUESDAY, AUGUST 6 1991 COLUMBUS, GEORGIA 2215 HRS. As he stepped from the plane, the moist heat nearly took Colby’s breath. His father and uncle had warned him of the heat and humidity, but that was not preparation enough. Colby gathered himself to walk down the steps. This was going to suck, He thought. Upon entering the terminal, Colby noticed a desk with a sign that read ‘FORT BENNING REPORT HERE’. He walked to the desk to find another si...
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CHAPTER 1: CHOICES DATE: TOP SECRET LOCATION: TOP SECRET 0030 HRS. The alley way was littered with garbage and debris from the buildings, which served as its mighty walls. This part of the city had been neglected for some time, as was par for this part of the world. All of the government heads and social elite stayed on the other side of the port city, never venturing to this side. If they ever desired what this part of the city had to offer, they had errand people for that. The stree...
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You really do need to start considering publishing some of this Sandi. The story your poetry tells is saddening yet beautiful.
He pulled his cloak tighter about his as the wind picked up again - Tighter about his what? pg.2 Gradsford plopped the head onto the bar and watched as Musk to a slow - This sentence was split between pages 7 & 8. You need to finish spelling "Took" These were the only real things that I noticed, and I think there was a mix up with Shaymus' hat. I think at one point you just mentioned straw, and not the hat. Could have been purposely. That's the great thing about story's like this. Typo's can ...
Ok,over all this is very nicely done. It's nice to see someone else comfortable enough with dialogue to allow it to tell the story. Some will tear you apart with that. "Show don't tell" You know that ole crap. Don't listen to it. Dialogue allows the reader a better connection with your characters. You still have to maintain a steady narrative for setting though, which you have accomplished. Stay with this style, you're very good with it. you do have several grammatical and spelling errors. Ea...
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