When I do. ....maybe a question mark here? Are you asking a question? Will mind stop racing when i stop---perhaps you mean when you stop living. I like it. But here is what i don't like, the ever present, redundant phrase, "my mind is racing." Please don't be offended. You have some poignant stuff here and your voice is philosophical. Yes, you do have talent and you are thinking things many of us think everyday. I can certianly relate and others will too. Though repetition is nice it can some...

Good juztaposition of a lizard baking in the sun to the constant shaking that accompanies parkinson's disease. Very nice. quivering like a cockerel’s comb....Very potent. agency carer,...Is carer a word? How about caretaker or caregiver? Can you describe the queen of England's hair? What is special about it? Worryingly, he’d been told all his life that they resembled each other too? Who resembled..him and the sister or the sister and the queen? You have a very poetic writing style. You write ...

A very passionate piece. I love it. The rhyme is perfect. I can envsion the lovers and the kiss. You were made for this kind of writing. I can feel passion dripping off the page. Another successful piece. I wish you had more points.

A trailor park? hahahahahaha. Somehow i cannot imagine the protagonist in one of those. But there is a bit of mystery about the gun and the illicit affair, while ole Bobby chuggs away. The spin cycle would have been rough. What a swtich from your Shakespearian voice. But maybe this is why you are my favorite poet of the century. You have so many facats, like myself. I look forward to more tales from either side of the track. Sandi

Lovely and very sad. The said impotency of the mind described well in metaphoric style. I see fluent pen slowely declining and writing the finsihed product. A complete thought at last a perfect circle. You mind is a flash of past present and future all in one minute. And then the bloody circle is complete. The poem is well-written. It is meaningful and draws the reader in and keeps him /her there. Regardless of the futlie finale one cannot help but read and think and perhaps relive something ...

Very erotic. I love the way you have taken a tree and made sexual art out of it. The metaphoric value of this poem is spot on. Everything works here. This is my kind of poetry. It is polished and it sounds well read aloud. The description of the leaves as satin, the scratchiness of the bark against skin evokes the senses. Every line compliments the one before it. The poem is erotic but at the same time not vulger or over stated. Perfect. This could be published as it is. Sandi

echoed throughout the room...What room? Can you name it? Can you tell the reader why the door was splintered? Did she have it locked? if so. let the reader know. The hairs on the back of her neck stood....Stood up or on ends. Finsh the description . The man she couldn't see the face of....The faceless man--his feattures were obscured beause? it didn't mean she wanted him touching her. ..Who ? the fireman? Make this a little clearer now she doesn't feel like she wasted money..... ..didn't fee...

Is "queuing" the right word here? I know it fits but "looking" might be a plainer use of the language. It belongs on ...it belongs to or in might be more fitting words. cuts the mustard...this is Colloquial language. Can you use another more formal expression. Many might not know what "cuts the mustard" means. Some attribute it to sexual intercourse.. I enjoyed uni and don’t see any point in regretting it, I’m still bitter .... This is contradictory. But he IS bitter. It seems that he makes a...

Right away i can tell you that you are for some difficulties. What you are trying to do is mix the scientific with philosophy and it won't work. The earth has ambient energy, a flow of power, a stream of spirituality.... Example: Here the earth is a real object but spirituality is subjective. What is spirituality? There are thousands of definitions for it. Science is logic and there is no guesswork in logic--it is no pun intended an exact science. In order to write a novel like this you woul...

Wade, the word phone is used so much in the first paragraph. Maybe you could take it out or rephrase. You could say, i stood in the booth staring at the phone...something like this. I enjoyed this excerpt very much. It was well expressed and i can feel the pain in it. I liked Donna's take and the sex thing--well i can't see her doing it. But i will tune in to see the outcome. Good job, Sandi