obamafu's profile

Do not explain. The key to symbols is implying. Don't ever hope to get any and every possible reader - think about your own audience. Think about those who would understand the symbols. Explaining things and hinting at them is useful only when symbols are ambiguous - then it helps everyone, your reader or not. And when you do explain something - make sure you do not sound didactic, because then it becomes a bad short story for kid's book. You want to keep just the right amount of thinking for...

Sandy, please read it carefully and keep the focus. General impression: The descriptions are present, but something is missing. The mental sound that accompanies it, is not the cold whoosh of the wind; it's the intermittent buzzing (and somewhat annoying) whine of the almost-empty teakettle on a hot stove... Not a feeling of comfort - can't even tell if it is a hot room or a cold room (even though you said it was hot fire, and all that). Or if it is a sudden chill in a hot room. And I have to...

It reads very easy, except for a few spots where - as I noted below - you could adjust the meter just a tiny bit. I am also a bit unsure about your capitalization - usually, it is done either on every line, or it goes with the punctuation, but you seemed to mix them, maybe, inadvertently, so I don't know which way you would prefer. I prefer going with punctuation, and this is what I noted below - but it is your call. On punctuation: I think it should be either intact or taken out. Having it h...

First pass - rough, because you will make changes. "as his hands clasped tighter around his mug of coffee." - "clasped" is not really a manly word. grabbed? held? "Still full, its golden contents were now becoming an unattractive murky brown." Golden? Coffee? Or was it tea? What was still full - the mug or the contents? I think the mug was - but it sounds as if it were the contents. "Opening his eyes he flung" - "Opening his eyes, he flung" "fixated his vision on" - "focused on"? "the square ...

"over the material she knew" - "over the material, she knew" “Go on sweetie, try it on.” He urged. - maybe, “Go ahead sweetie, try it on”, he urged. But "he" should not be capitalized either way. "She was scared that if she released this breath, her dream would disappear along with it." - how about "She was scared to release this breath, as if her dream would vanish along with it." "Cradled in his huge hands it looked" - "Cradled in his huge hands, it looked" "Struggling to steady herself she...