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novice's profile
AGE:
50
LOC: Canada
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 05
LOC: Canada
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 05
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Version 1
9 Reviews
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Chapter 1 The notebook flipped open and the Stalker grunted and frowned at its contents. The review was unnecessary, as the details of the surveillance had long been committed to memory. Her husband is a fool, thought the Stalker, as the book slapped shut. ******** In his mind, Sam could see Gemma striding down the path to his mailbox, knock-down sexy, with her hair still damp from the shower, and her hip cranking out her internal rhythm. She would have been on her way to work. Did someone se...
Version 1
6 Reviews
0 Comments
The car sat in an alley, waiting impatiently for Gemma to pass by. In the car sat her Stalker, almost asleep, drowsily dealing with nasal hygiene. Pay attention! She’s coming. Gemma drove by and, at the last minute, she slowed almost to a stop, then turned her head and ran her tongue across her lips in provocation. Gemma Bell. Jezebel. I hate you. She waggled her fingertips in a goodbye wave. Thumbs pushed in hard and plugged the Stalker’s ears to deafen them against the echo of her laugh. I...
Version 1
14 Reviews
0 Comments
The notebook flipped open and the Stalker grunted and frowned at its contents. The review was unnecessary, as the details of the surveillance had long been committed to memory. Her husband is a fool, thought the Stalker, as the book slapped shut. ******** In his mind, Sam could see Gemma striding down the path to his mailbox, knock down sexy, with her hair still damp from the shower, and her hip cranking out her internal rhythm. She would have been on her way to work. Did someone see her? Da...
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On the side of an old dirt road, a man named Jackson Godrich slowly began to die. OR On the side of an old dirt road, a man named Jackson Godrich began to die. I'm big on getting rid of adverbs. Why was it so cold? OR Why was it cold? adjectives too. I like your writing.
great verb, hearts hammered love the surprise ending Try to keep out of the past tense. Good job.
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