nosebleed's profile

nosebleed avatar
AGE: 19
LOC: New Zealand
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 15

I am an aspiring writer using the site to get some feedback on my work. What else is there to say?
My favourite writers are Jack Kerouac, Kurt Vonnegut and Stephen King. That’s all there is to say.

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The daily routine and palette of flavour and taste of the proud proletariat and the bashful bourgeois can tell through hasty taste You much about the temperament and taste of the individual Wake work sleep In this way we survey all that stood on these fields before us And make judgements on their motives, estimates on their ambitions Wake work sleep The calories they took in like orphans, the hours they fretted Over neighbourly calls of Xeroxed wisdom and second-hand insight   Wake ...
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From what my extensive investigation can tell me, we still do not know much at all about young Mr. Mordrake. His crypt is in a lonely patch of dirt in the corner of the cemetery. Everybody knows Edward’s story, and the children are frightened of getting near the small, modest mortuary. They tell each other by the light of the gas lamp on cold, windy December nights that Edward’s ghost still prowls, seeking innocent souls to feed the face. Of course, no adults believe that his ghost still walk...
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Short Story / Checkmate
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Alfred stepped from the doorway and looked around the room in awe. He had just awoken – in a concentric elevator that seemed to be made of tempered glass. When the magnetic doors had slid open, this room had appeared. Where was he? It had a large, concave dome, lit by a pale, fluorescent light. One wall came to a vertical edge and dropped to the tiled floor. Alfred approached it hesitantly. He couldn’t remember anything before he had fallen asleep in his apartment... And now here he was, stan...
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Ozone Park is irregular in the dark A cacophony in Queens The flower shoppe it resurrects Resonates through my dreams The cars pass through the oesophagus that is The highway And pedestrians observe, conserve the reserve that is This little piece of peace in the east As an -urb it is accomplished Not ex- not in- but sub- The terracotta wishes of the projects Lined children’s blocks in the bath tub They cry concrete tears And curse the years That laid asbestos in their Plastered wombs Tarred v...
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Short Story / Paganini
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The story of the birth and subsequent death of Niccolo Paganini is indeed a curious one, and one that has bewildered sceptics too often as of late. The 57 years that lay between these two events are studied rigorously – and still no peace is surmised in the heads of those that refuse to believe the common public myth. Paganini was a virtuoso. His music – oh, his music! – was of an almost otherworldly quality. Paganini’s violin was a divine artefact, touched only by its player’s long and aust...
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One of the better "6 word memoir" entries I have read, because it manages to tell a story with the words that are left out, not those that are there. And I know what you mean - sometimes writing is the best catharsis, and sometimes catharsis saves lives, be it physically or emotionally.
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / A moment to think about nothing
There are a lot of good questions in this piece. You tackle the unknowns in man's future in a way that is very succinct and concise, therefore making very complicated intellectual ideas fairly easy to understand. Well done. However, I found the last paragraph to be a non-sequitur - how about you take that from the piece and expand it, making it into its own individual? At any rate, I believe that human intelligence was something of a freak accident. Things like art, science, religion... even ...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Crime, Thrillers & Mystery / Honor Among Thieves
This is a difficult piece of writing to find fault with, if you ask me. Your subtle characterisation and descriptions of settings are commendable. I liked that you did not explain many things at first mention, such as lines like "one of the few books in Ains". I would advise that you do this (lack of exposition) cautiously, though. While it has worked here, now, for me, in many cases it can make a story confusing and a chore to read. At times I thought that it felt as if you were just writing...
Poetry / My Friend
This is a very good poem. While it may have a few minor flaws in areas such as word selection, meter, etc, these few things are barely recognisable, due to the strength and genuineness (genuineness? is that a word, or is it genuinity?) of the emotion. I hope that you gave this to your friend, as it would show them the extent to which you care about their plight. And that helps. Anyway, this is very good. It has what a poem needs - passion.
Lyrics / Nightflower
You have plenty of skill when it comes to writing a structured piece of writing. What type of music do you want this to be? I can see some of the lyrics being slightly cliched in the context of some genres, but there are also a lot of places in the world of music where they fit in perfectly. You can sense the real emotion through these words, and that - just that - is what lyrics should ba about. As a result, this is a very well-written piece.
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