This does not flow like a poem, there is no structure to your verse(s). I would suggest reading this through again, editing for spelling, and reforming the words into stanzas.

I had trouble following the story. It did not flow like a story, and was unreadable at times. You also have capitalization errors, and a few spelling mistakes. I would suggest editing it so that the different sections flowed together, and elaborating on some of the details.

This really caught my eye. I can see that you are going to take this novel to great places. I will however say that you write in a passive tone, so it might be a good idea to rethink some of your verb usage. I know this is just a treatment, and I'm sure that the completed novel is going to be much better, but the dialoige could also use a little work. Otherwise, this is a nice read, and I LOVE reading horror, so this really rocks. The characteraziton was very strong, and I LOVED the amount of...

I'm enjoying this so far, but your formatting needs work, and you need to go through it and do a fine edit. I recommend finding a good piece of free screen-writing software. I think I understand what you are doing with the scene, but it might not be clear to other readers. I would simplify the descriptions, it's really for the director to make decisions about the color of the rosary (unless it's important to the plot). If I'm not mistaken, she confessed this to a priest, and it's all going th...

Copy and paste this into notepad, and look at each line. See if you can split that up into smaller lines, or, if you can reduce the number of words that you use. Try to read as much as you can, and see if you can come up with new ways to express these emotions, then, try for a second draft! For readability, try to split up the block of text into lines, or stanzas. Whatever you do, don't give up! If after looking it over, you realize that this piece isn't something you can work with- write som...