nikcool's profile
AGE:
27
LAST LOGIN: July 23
LAST LOGIN: July 23
I’m Nikki, a 24 year old person that enjoys writing. Sometimes I manage to finish a project or two, but usually I begin stories and poems. As I draft my work, it will be posted, but don’t hold your breath.
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"Wake up Jenny." Allison's voice was soft, and patient. I opened my eyes, and smiled at her. I don't remember what I had been dreaming, or what happened before I went to sleep, but I felt safe. She smiled, and reached over to brush something away from the side of my face. My eyes grew heavy, and closed again. The next time I opened them, I saw a strange girl standing by my bed. Sitting up, I realized that I was in the hospital. I tried to say 'Hi', or something to her, and I couldn't. Immedia...
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"Could anyone look better in this dress?" I asked to my reflection. "You can't go." The voice of reason, also known as my twin Allison, spoke. "Jennifer, stay home tonight." "You're not Mom. You can't tell me what to do." I glanced at my reflection again. "Everyone is -" She was dressed as an angel. Allison was five minutes older than me, but she acted a lot younger. She wore a loose white robe, a wreath of laurels on her head- the whole costume was a no. "You can't go." she repeated "Not ton...
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Finished my novel! Please don't read.
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Keyboard + word processor + two years = nothing
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Copy and paste this into notepad, and look at each line. See if you can split that up into smaller lines, or, if you can reduce the number of words that you use. Try to read as much as you can, and see if you can come up with new ways to express these emotions, then, try for a second draft! For readability, try to split up the block of text into lines, or stanzas. Whatever you do, don't give up! If after looking it over, you realize that this piece isn't something you can work with- write som...
I'm enjoying this so far, but your formatting needs work, and you need to go through it and do a fine edit. I recommend finding a good piece of free screen-writing software. I think I understand what you are doing with the scene, but it might not be clear to other readers. I would simplify the descriptions, it's really for the director to make decisions about the color of the rosary (unless it's important to the plot). If I'm not mistaken, she confessed this to a priest, and it's all going th...
This really caught my eye. I can see that you are going to take this novel to great places. I will however say that you write in a passive tone, so it might be a good idea to rethink some of your verb usage. I know this is just a treatment, and I'm sure that the completed novel is going to be much better, but the dialoige could also use a little work. Otherwise, this is a nice read, and I LOVE reading horror, so this really rocks. The characteraziton was very strong, and I LOVED the amount of...
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