neverisapromise's profile

neverisapromise avatar
AGE: 16
LOC: Palm Desert, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: January 05

Two speakers stand on
my marble plane and are willing
to compromise.

I shatter: the innovative
porcelain doll.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Version 1
4 Reviews   2 Comments
It is wrong for parents to take advantage of the extremely impressionable nature of their child's young mind by indoctrinating him with lies. When they tell their child elaborate stories about the imaginary creature Santa Claus, they are stunting his mental growth, and thereby reducing his future ability to create a full and happy life for himself. Teaching a child about the existence of Santa Claus breeds magical thinking and chronic laziness. It sends him the message that if he is nice to o...
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / The Horizon
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
To dwell upon this silver sphere, feet lodged within its pores, is to witness God’s greatest feat, nature’s triumphant roar. To cast your eyes upon the sky and stroke its velvet wings, is to conceive a breadth of time, hear infinity sing. As towers rise and castles fall and reason transcends faith, man begins to build his prospects and boundaries quickly fade.  
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Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Because your face is frozen, an eternal stamp of Sunlight. And the radiance, it’s just as stubborn: A purity that rejects contamination, A brilliance with an ego. Equal in its silence. Enticing in its doubt. Because you sing in riddles, a Rubik’s Cube painted black. And your thoughts, they’re concealed in ink: With subtle harmony. With eloquent simplicity. Blueprints, entreating patient examination; Defying the laws of physics, maybe. Because you’re a Diamond, lumin...
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Poetry / THE DOLLAR SIGN
Version 3
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Carbon and Iron: interspersed in Blast Furnaces. And Precise Measurements and Calculations are computed by Competent Men. Steel is Steel: Nature is bent and yielded to Man’s Will. And Train Tracks and Skyscrapers rise as the Symbol of his Achievement. Citizens stair and worship this Masterpiece with Incredulous Shock: Capitalist America’s Industrial Revolution is taking Form. And Statues of Businessmen are erected as our Highest Reverence. Money stands as the Product of a Reasonable Mind.
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / THE DOLLAR SIGN
Version 2
4 Reviews   9 Comments
Carbon and Iron: interspersed in Blast Furnaces. And Precise Measurements and Calculations are computed by Competent Men. Steel is Steel: Nature is bent and yielded to Man’s Will. And Train Tracks and Skyscrapers rise as the symbol of his achievement. Citizens stair and worship this Masterpiece with Incredulous Shock: Capitalist America’s Industrial Revolution is taking Form. And Statues of Businessmen are erected as our Highest Reverence. Money stands as the Product of a Reasonable Mind.
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Locked
Humor/Satire / No More Buch-Inc
Locked
Well worked. Nice flow. Usually I'd say leave poetry in the poetry section, but you at least, unlike others I've seen, had a punch line, and so it works perfectly fine in this section as well. One suggestion I have is in regards to the title. Although I see your intent, after reading it I was expecting some kind of Harley reference in the actual piece, and so it was a bit of a let down when it didn't come. I think such a reference could be probably be nicely worked into the punch line. I also...
Humor/Satire / Bad Christmas Poem
I don't really see how this is humor/satire. Maybe if your last stanza contained some sort of punch line, but as is, I found it a bit dull, to put it lightly. There are also some awkward parts, such as "think it." I can see you're trying to follow an eight-seven syllable pattern (although I'm not familiar with this particular form), but it is not worth sacrificing the quality of the piece. This one needs some work. Happy writing, -K.S.
Haiku/Senryu / Malcontent
Subject matter is intriguing, as well as accurately portrayed. Imagery is compelling and precise. This piece is thought provoking. Last line is a bit awkward. I feel like there should be a main point, but it never comes. I'd also suggest a more illuminating title. Something to lure your readers in. Happy writing, -K.S.
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ITEMS (16)

 

Haiku/Senryu / Titleless
Haiku/Senryu / Promise
Haiku/Senryu / Malcontent
Poetry / Stand By Me

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