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netterlynn's profile
AGE:
49
LOC: Easton, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 04
LOC: Easton, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 04
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Version 1
5 Reviews
1 Comment
Dear Mr. Kirschbaum, Maria Difillipo, a curly-headed, chunky, Italian-American girl from Pennsylvania, and she's searching for a life. After an incident with a study circle and a biased teaching assistant, Maria decides to leave her elite Ivy League school for a life as a mudlogger in the oil patch in Texas. (A small translation note is needed for those who don’t speak Oilfield fluently. “Oil patch” can be loosely translated as “any place where people are drilling...
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A great way to talk about the spring without bringing in all of the cliche elements of flowers, buds, birds, etc. This one really spoke to me in its simplicity and truth.
the dialogue sounds real, but I was wondering where this was going until you dropped the bombshell at the end. There was a bit of foreshadowing in the slightly creepy "overheard you on your cell" section, but that only became clear after the last sentence. A good, tight, interestingt 104 words.
So much learned and so much to learn in just six words. What was imprisoning the writer? How did they gain their freedom? Was it physical or metaphysical? No matter, the voice is clear. A good six word memooir on the creative life.
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
I like this. A nice twist on a Valentine's poem - first an acknowledgment of the triteness of the subject, then a strong ending, all in meter and rhyme. The last nile is perfect - "condemning us to surpass the divine" - beautiful.
This is strong, intimate, passionate, sad and painful, and I think that was what you were going for. It's a story that needed to be told, that needed to escape. The strength of feeling is there; my only suggestion is to tighten up the language to get the most impact, especially in the latter stanzas. It's there that I felt the white-hot beam of light widen a bit, and I wanted it to stay put.
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