nelsonov's profile

I was confused about whether the man that checked up on them is the same man that captured them. I don't think you mean them to be the same, but it was difficult to tell for sure. If they are supposed to be the same then there is a contradiction since at the beginning you don't know his background and later you say the man had written an article about him. I think you are still looking for an ending or maybe you need to rearrange something. If you want it to end here, then end with him thinki...

I really liked this story. I can picture myself doing in the same situation doing the same thing. I think that is the magic that stories like this can achieve. I have often tried and always failed. You didn't, so congratulations. The first paragraph was a little hard to get through. There seemed to be too much background information too soon. Maybe you could intermingle the memories from another picture with the description of you surroundings? That would have helped me process all the inform...

The first few sentences are confusing in the way they jump between first and second person. It distracts the reader from the scene. After that, it's a very relaxing read. It would be nice to see a little more about the climb the to top. It seems more hurried than the rush back down the hill at sunset. This story needs editing for grammatical errors and typos, but they don't distract too much from the read.

This work needs a lot of editing but it is still readable. The first few sentences are a little long-winded but the style seems to settle down after that. There was perhaps a little too much about the wife being depressed. Maybe more of that could be worked in later. I like the story so far and I'd like to read more.