It's very desciptive. Almost to point where it's too descriptive and gets confusing at some parts. I guess I must keep in mind that it is an excerpt so confusion is unavoidable. With that taken into account, it's good and I would like to see the full story.

It's a good beginning to something but I wouldn't really say it's a short story. I would have liked it to have gone a little bit further. But you did say that it was an installment to a story so I guess one would have to read the story to figure out where this fragment of writing is really going. All in all though, I like your technique. Italics are always nice when a person is speaking in thought. I would like to see more.

Short and sweet. Some of the best poetry was written that way. I think all of us wish we could fly. Just leap out of our windows and take off; away from all of our troubles and just soar. I really like how you got right to point. It's good for a 12 or 13 year old. Maybe one day you could add onto it. Make it into like a descriptive poem.

This is one of those poems that a person can relate to. I interpret it as a poem about a person who is a friend to someone but wants to be more than a friend; but can't. There are some poems where a reader can't understand it's meaning. This isn't one of those poems though. The emotions of the writer are very strong throughout. The plea at the end really tops everything off, "May I be your friend at least? Always aching, suffering softly, infinitely imagining..." It's perfect. I really can't ...

This really is a great example of an introduction to a story. It gave just enough to make the reader want to read more. The vivid description of Danton is really amazing. "His jeans chinked with the sound of change in his pockets and his shoes were well kept." It's that line that really gives the story more power. A lot of authors tend to leave out sound when describing a character. Some of the technical biology terms could be left out but that's just my opinion. All in all, I would really li...

Great blog/diary/journal entry. It's true that there are other ways of switching your mood and becoming 'happy again' without the use of medication. I think a lot of doctors nowadays overlook that and over-medicate people. I know when I had my suicide attempt and meltdown (yes I will admit that), the doctors put me on Zoloft. I was on Paxil to being with which, if you read the side effects, may trigger suicidal thoughts. The Zoloft gave me jitters and I ended up flushing the pills down the to...

Overall, very funny chapter. The comparisons at the beginning are very true if one thinks about it. A woman really is like the fire and the man is the fuel that ignites her flame. Also the conversation between Felicity and Carolyn is hilarious. Awkward but funny. It made me think of what would happen if I had the guts to ask someone for such a toy... I really like the way this is written. It's written in a very 'real' way. Meaning that the dialogue is real; like someone would speak in real li...

Again, a wonderful sample. The metaphor about the bicycle and sex, very nice. It's one that I could actually pick out without having to guess at the meaning. I dislike writing where I have to take a guess at the true meaning of things. Bravo. I must read the full story sometime.

It's sad that I could only read a little bit of this story but from what I've read, it's very good. The thoughts that the character are very detailed, which is a nice change from how a lot of stories are written today. The subtle 'flashbacks' are a nice bonus too. It really helps with the clarity of the story. Your detail is very well done. It's the little things that really help the reader get a picture of the character and the scene; such as "...twirling them around my finely trimmed nails....