namelessportrait has no favorites yet.
namelessportrait's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: Ashland, OR
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 15
LOC: Ashland, OR
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 15
This user has not yet uploaded an urbis user description/profile.
Items
Version 1
16 Reviews
0 Comments
If you were to ask me what love was I am not sure I could tell you, exactly. I could define moments exactly; if I played with words to make the perfect metaphor and then sit back and grin contently or erase everything with the delete key. I could tell you the color of our eyes, or how the stars lined up perfectly on that single night we fell in love. But I can’t tell you about the inevitable tragedy that would ensue even before you knew it existed. At least that is how the story goes. If you ...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Take a walk with me Let's look at the sunset and the pink meloncholy clouds We could listen to the dust as it floats over our feet And see the blue sage in the last day of heat While the grouse hide under the paper shade We could create a silence of hollow refrain You look towards the mountains And your jaw bone draws a map To the subtle lips and timid nose That used to love me But which now are lost into that great portrait You carved out of evaporated light And tears so delicate they broke ...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
love is a blind dose of medication that the head nurse pries down our unsuspecting throats. she wears those crisp white powdered gloves to protect herself from the disease that we carry in and roll ourselves to ruin her perfectly folded white sheets. love is what the nurse calls "forcible insertion" and euphemisms that make us feel slightly less cold than the moment before. "no. this won't hurt" and "look the other way." while she rams the needle through our paper life and beats the fire out ...
[ View all items ]
Reviews
wow this is hopelessly romantic. I would think that everyone dreams of these things. Nice flow, cuts off a little abruptly though. Think of something more eloquent, like the rest of it. :]
Interesting. I like how you broke this into sections. It makes it powerful, yet at the same time disdainful. I am not entirely sure how the narator feels about all of this and I think you should encorporate some sort of background besides the fact that he had a girlfriend who drank cosmopolitans and wrote about controversial issues. Why does he feel the way he does about AIDS? Expand a little more. Diction could be reinforced also, though an occaisional curse the way you have it evokes certai...
Deleted Item
This is pretty rich in ideas and has a wonderful potential. If you wanted you could probably expand this into a novel. You imply a lot of things, a lot of emotions between the two charcters that are never really discussed. The flow is choppy in the begining, and towards the middle. The end is abrupt. The significance of the ghost in the dream is overwhelming, but it is the reality that he wakes up to that lacks substance. Cut out the courtroom stuff in the begining, unless you really find it ...
Deleted Item
Beautiful metaphor for all of the hospital's mechanisms. I little too fast and unfulfilled though. Needs more substance in the body. Good.
Deleted Item
Wow... Nice mataphor of comparing the social classes like that of birds and their prey. "once I knew the meaning of flight" explicitly parallels your own journey (at least that of your character). The only thing I can think to suggest is to add a couple lines more on the children, and tie them to the bird athlete person. How would she treat them if they were to get off the bus then? What would the children concieve? I likey.
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People





