mystryballadist's profile
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Version 2
8 Reviews
1 Comment
”Please, don’t hurt me!” Catrina whispered as a solitary tear slid down her pale cheek. ”I am sorry ma’am, but these are my orders. I must do as I am told.” The young soldier couldn’t help but feel sorry for the woman. She had done nothing wrong. If anything, it was her husband’s fault. Paolo Maschera was one of the most well-known rebels in the nation. He fought against the new Unitarian government with everything he had. He had put the lives of so many people in danger; even members of the...
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Deep on the inside burning flames of deception licking at my heart, my soul crying for attention. Turn your eyes from this broken mirror showing you the pain, the anger seething in torrents. Promises scattered here like shards of glass slicing my body, my mind empty of the words you shared.
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
I hate what you have done to me and all that I've become. I hate that you had this power over me, to change me and spurn me so quickly. I hate what I have to do to gain back face. I hate the reflection I have to see each day. I hope you soon will know you were wrong I hope you will learn your lesson, teacher. I hope you will see it all too late, I hope you die with regret on your lips- it's the only justifiable fate. I hate how you tore up my soul and smashed my dreams apart. I hate how easy ...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
"Over there!" Tall, luscious, brandishing prizes on its dark, leafy branches. Swollen with ripened contentment, they dangle, sparkle in the sunlight. Two young men scramble up the hill, footsteps fast as heartbeats. "Touch it." A thin hand reaches up, rubs across sinewy flesh. A sigh escapes- wind? breath? "We have found it," Tree of Life. Hidden, wonderous renewal. The hand pulls off a fruit, heavy and full in the palm. A small bite, crunching into enlightenment. "The fruit of the righteous ...
Version 1
6 Reviews
2 Comments
"Please, don't hurt me!" Catrina whispered as a solitary tear slid down her pale cheek. "I am sorry ma'am, but these are my orders. I must do as I am told." The young soldier couldn't help but feel sorry for the woman. She had done nothing wrong. If anything, it was her husband's fault. Paolo Maschera was one of the most well-known rebels in the nation. He fought against the new Unitarian government with everything he had. He had put the lives of so many people in danger; even members of the...
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Reviews
I have to be honest when I say that this is one of the wittiest, most entertaining stories I have had the pleasure of reading on this site. You have an amazing talent and I sincerely hope that an agent snatches you up soon! That being said, let's focus on the story a bit, eh? Your character development is fantastic and the sarcastic wit is weaved so neatly throughout the entire piece. I rather enjoyed the use of the parenthetical asides as I tend to use that same style in some of my works as ...
I really liked the line where you wrote, "These wounds will heal but the scars remain". A very astute phrase that a lot of people can surely relate to. It's very obvious that you are referencing to a person's heartbreak and the way you word the piece makes that very clear to the reader, while at the same time, providing them with the images you have crafted to help portray what the main character is feeling. Great job!
Great piece! The dialogue is a little confusing at times, but I think that's because I'm not used to reading it in such a format. It works well for this piece though because it seems as if the main character is confused also. The ending was a bit of a shock, I wasn't expecting her to jump. Wonderful element of surprise there. All around, I enjoyed it.
I very much enjoy your use of vocabulary. I also liked that this was a sort of "stream of consciousness" composition- it made it very unique. The images you are trying to craft are very poignant, but I feel like they somehow get a little garbled due to the flow of the piece. That's not necessarily a bad thing though. I tend to prefer pieces where you have to dig around for comprehension.
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