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AGE:
17
LOC: Lagrange, GA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 28
LOC: Lagrange, GA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 28
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Items
Version 2
8 Reviews
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The hot summer sun beat down on the citizens walking the sidewalks as they made their way to their jobs. Many of them daydreamed of air-conditioned offices or the relaxing ocean water. Some stole a glance into the police department, envying the cops inside. Most glared at the young man in the window. Few grinned, thinking he was being lectured to by the department head. “Damian, I’ve got another assignment for you,” he stated. “What is this time sir,” the young man replied. Damian Aloyo list...
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Damian Aloyo listened close as the Chief of police briefed him on his next assignment. A tight black t-shirt and denim jeans encased his 6'2" body. His arms bulged as he leaned against the wall and crossed them across his brick-wall chest. Jet-black riding boots protruded from under the legs of the jeans. His emerald green eyes shimmered with a distant look, dust-colored strands framing his face. “So you mean to tell me that you want the Pack to apprehend Jose Valquez for possession of crack...
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Reviews
First off, there are alot of grammatical errors. "Still captured photos, were going out of style this year, almost everyone company was converting their logos to motion capture" is one example. My suggestions: put a hyphen (-) between "still" and "captured"; ditch the commas between "photos", "were", "year", and "almost"; put a semicolon between "year" and "almost"; convert "everyone" to "every". Please do not be offended, but I am partially OCD, and grammer is one of my obessions. I do see s...
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