Planting a garden in the rain, growing and then harvesting, and cooking vegetables or something like that? I like the images you present, but I'm a little lost as to the meaning. It seems like you are showing how exxential water is, in the beginning. But, then, in the end, you talk about drowning one another. Perhaps I have missed something? Also, if we are drowning one another, where does the butcher knife fit in? Perhaps, some simple clarifications could clear these hurdles for me. All in a...

This is a strong piece...the only trouble I have is that it lacks stanza seperation. There is not place for my brain to realize what's happening when you reveal that though the wall may keep others out, it also keeps you in. In a way, it seems that the piece loses some momentum, some of its flow. Maybe a separation or two would help this. My thoughts would be after santuary, broken, and world. Overall, though, this is a very good piece - now that I've read it a few more times in the course of...

I don't know if you did it on purpose, but this reminds me of that little hand motion thing we used to do as children; our fingers on the inside, index fingers in the air, this the church, this is the steeple, etc. However, you have made it into something almost scary, cult like. I used to go to school in Waco, Texas and that's what I kept thinking about. I like that we all know these images and you have given them all a new face. Nice work!

Interesting and fairly well written, I question only: Why did she chose the cat? I think that this piece could be strengthened if you made some indication as to his feelings about the cat - his hatred for her and he love for the cat. Or, maybe make it a dog and have it be his infidelity to her and his dedication to the dog. Further, why the cat if she is planning to kill herself and the child, too? You have done a really great job explaining the relationship of the husband and wife - also, I ...

This is a decent start...I have one tip. Show us things, don't tell us. Try saying that the winter wind stung her cheeks - you don't have to tell us it was cold winter wind...we know wind in the winter is cold. Also, when you are talking about how she feels, sometimes you say what Robyn looks like, the shaking and the crying, but what about telling us that in detail...show me what a scared person looks like...what does her face look like, how do the tears trace down her face? Also, a professo...

I think this is one of the longest sentences I have ever seen in my life... "What was going on in him, in black of night by the waterhole, was monstrous in its complexity, equations of theological thought requiring his entire mind to balance above the abyss of a dark insanity: God as the eternal Oneness, forever locked in holy stasis, measured against the totality of Man, fizzling under infinite variables…from dirt under raw-edged fingernails to Pandora’s hope as the last evil in the world." ...

This is really wonderful, but I think that it can be expanded. Beth is such a vivid character, you have done an excellent job of developing her - and all of you other characters. I do have some suggestions, though. There are some tansitions here that are a little bit fuzzy...speaking as the reader, it would be helpful to rework these a little bit. Here are the sections and the problems I see as they are written now. "...SUNGLASSES COMPLETING THE COVERUP SHE GRABBED HER BAG AND HEADED OUT TO H...

"I don’t like this volume of silence. It’s distracting, and overpowering. It’s discouraging, and menacing." I love this phrase. It makes silence so vivid! I am not sure that I feel comfortable being critical as this is a journal/diary entry and I don't think those should be judged. However, I think that you have a very interesting concept here, and obviously a nack for explaining what is in your head...perhaps this musing could be the basis of a some form of fiction writing...whether poetry o...

This sounds like a wonderful idea! I like that the introduction paragraph addresses all of the issues you want to incorporate later on in the story. I like the idea of the "anti-climax" where something happened, not in the story, but everything in the story is, for the most part, based around that event. I think you could utilize that here! The death of his parents is the anticlimax, but we don't really know what happened, and somehow it is still affecting the lives of the characters. Wonderf...

There are some strong images here - however, I question whether or not it is a sonnet. As far as I know, regardless of the sonnet style, the piece should be written in iambic pentameter (ten syllables per line, accented and then soft alternating). You follow the rhyme scheme fairly closely to that of a sonnet, but other than that I think it may just be a poem. As well written poem, I will add. Nice job.